


Bismuth

by rocketgills



Series: Alicization Alternative [2]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-01-15 08:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18495631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketgills/pseuds/rocketgills
Summary: A gently paced journey through Alicization. Some things will be the same, and some will be very different.





	1. Chapter 1

Kirito had accompanied Eugeo every day and sat with him, and talked with him since he arrived. He stayed at the church and helped with repairs, and miscellaneous tasks. 

The sisters pretended to be strict with him but with how much leeway they gave Kirito….well he had them wrapped around his finger, he just didn't know it. 

For one, they let him sleep in constantly which meant for more days than not, he was stuck waiting outside the church. 

For another, Selka actually stopped to talk with Kirito. 

Whether it was in passing or when Kirito helped in the mornings before heading over to meet Eugeo, time was always made for Kirito. 

He'd even caught Jink staring at the boy with an air of admiration. 

Though to be fair, Jink always wanted to take what little Eugeo ever managed to have. 

 

 _Not that Kirito is a thing to have._  

Eventually, eventually he felt there would be no room for Eugeo in Kirito's gaze. 

An unfair thought but he couldn't help it. His thoughts swirled towards the darker side of things as he swung his axe producing a satisfying sound. 

Someone whistled from nearby, startling Eugeo.

 

“First swing of the day already a good one?” 

Eugeo didn't turn as he responded, challenging the other,  “How would you know?” 

 _Why am I being mean, I was just thinking he'd stop making time for me yet here he is, for no other reason than to offer me company…_  

Kirito had paused, surprised at Eugeo's almost aggressive response, before laughing, “True, I wouldn't. Mind if I take a swing?”

“You...want to?” 

Kirito tilted his head, as though the question was stupid, as though it was normal to take interest in Eugeo’s boring, endless task. 

“Well...yeah?” 

Eugeo handed over his axe without comment, neglecting to mention what a sign of trust it was. The axe was his oldest and most faithful friend, and handing over anything without expressly saying you wanted it back...well. He'd had his fair share of things taken at school. 

Just like on the training grounds, the axe glowed with a faint light, blue this time. A light Eugeo hadn't seen since the swordsman showcase years back.

Maybe Kirito _had_ been a swordsman and not talking out his ass? 

It was impressive but Kirito was holding the axe all wrong. It flew forward with a startling amount of force, hitting the tree above the gash made over the course of centuries and spinning back to land on the grass behind the two.

 

“Oh…” 

“You were holding the axe wrong you know?” 

“Shut up.”

 

Eugeo laughed, he hadn't realized Kirito had the capability to be embarrassed. 

They took turns swinging the axe, and Eugeo found his day flying by faster than usual. They talked about inane things like their favorite colors, Eugeo's family, what Kirito thought of Rulid. 

Eventually they stopped for a lunch of quickly spoiling bread and cold tea. 

“I wanted to ask and I don't want to offend you but...do you….have any friends?” 

Kirito seemed to be expecting an insulted response but Eugeo answered serenely. 

“I never really was good at making friends. I did have one though, years ago. Her name was Alice.” 

“Alice…” Kirito repeated, as though trying the name out. 

“She was….everything,” Eugeo wasn't sure what type of expression was on his face but Kirito looked the most attentive he'd seen him since they met. 

“She would come see me every chance, she'd make the best meals. Her food didn't die like this, its Life was different. Having fresh food for lunch...a friend who cared and someone to walk home with and talk with…” 

Kirito was silent for a moment, “Her Calling...was she a chef?” 

Eugeo laughed and Kirito was sure the sun had suddenly started shining brighter, “No...no. She was the chief’s oldest daughter, and a trainee at the church, studying the Sacred Arts.” 

“Huh.” 

Eugeo rolled his eyes at the lackluster response. Honestly, it was a grand honor. 

“What happened?” 

“...She broke the taboo index. We were in the mountains looking for ice and she crossed into the Dark Territory by accident. Just a fingertip touched the other side if the border between our land and the Dark.” 

“But if it was an accident...and not even her feet…” 

“The next morning an integrity knight appeared at the square and took her away.” 

“Eugeo…” 

“I think she's still alive. I believe it with...with all my heart that she's still out there somewhere. At the capitol, maybe. But I have to cut this tree. It's my Calling and  I cannot shirk my duty to the village.” 

Kirito was looking down, tugging at the grass beneath his hands, “Well….I can't cook but I do enjoy your company and...just. Can we be friends?” 

“C-can we…?” Eugeo scowled, “Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? I'm the one making you come out here every day-” 

“What! How many times do I have to say I want to before you get it!” Kirito gently pushed Eugeo over until he tipped onto the grass. 

“You're the one with _memory loss_! I'm practically bullying you by isolating you out here!” Eugeo rolled over and dragged Kirito down with him. 

They ended up fighting like little kids until laughter gets the best of them. 

“How's that for a lunch break! That's the biggest smile I've seen on your face yet!” 

Eugeo let out a pained noise, “Are you counting them or something?” 

“Maybe I should! Come on! Evil tree time! Then we can go home!”

Eugeo didn't bother to point out that they didn't live together. It would just encourage more of Kirito's childish behavior. 

“Fine.” 

At the end of the day they walk home, both satisfied for different reasons. 

Kirito, because the entire conversation proved that they weren't just NPC or imitation AI. The people he spoke to...they were alive. And if that was the case, they were living life hundreds of times faster than that of the physical human race. Which means Kirito hadn't been in the STL long, but it also didn't clear up why he was there or how long. He didn't remember any of his time before this dive so it could've been here or in another world. 

Regardless, the clear analysis of Kirito himself, the friendly argument, the history the world itself held...it was all far too real. These were real, living beings. 

Kirito lay in bed feeling restless. He didn't feel distressed that he was in the Underworld, at least not _yet_ , but he didn't understand. Maybe they _wanted_ him to break the memory gate like he had? He knew he wasn't supposed to remember reality and the Underworld at the same time. He _still_ didn't know what happened the last time he dove in. 

He wondered what this was. 

He just felt numb. 

He closed his eyes hoping that if he pretended he was asleep, it would happen. 

Eventually, minutes, hours later, it did. 

He awoke with a headache and his Life slightly diminished. 

Kirito didn't want breakfast but he didn't want to freeload either so he arrived shortly after breakfast ended to help clear the tables. Selka briefly checked in with him to see how he was doing and if he and Eugeo were getting along alright. 

For some reason the tone of the question annoyed Kirito. 

Unable to understand why, he responded, slightly subdued. 

“Yeah he's...I think we're going to be really good friends.” 

Selka seemed conflicted but her smile was bright and honest, “Really? That's great!” 

“Speaking of...I'm late.” 

Selka laughed, “As usual, get going already, we don't need your help here!” 

It was a joke but it hit Kirito the wrong way for some reason. 

“Alright, see you later then!” 

5 minutes later found him outside unable to locate something crucial. 

 _Where's Eugeo?_  

“Morning Kirito!” A voice he wasn't expecting called out to him. 

“Ah...Jink. Morning.” There was something about the other that Kirito disliked but he gave a neutral greeting. 

“So this might be out of nowhere but I was wondering if you'd like to do morning practice with me?” 

“Eh?” 

“My usual partner is held up helping his family with their farm before we go on patrol but I really would hate to miss practice. And I saw you trying out the field when you first arrived. Please, you'd be doing me a huuuuuge favor!” 

Kirito looked away, frowning, he was waiting on Eugeo but his instincts told him not to mention that. 

“Please, please?” 

He'd seen how uncomfortable Eugeo was to be anywhere near Jink. 

 _Might be better to keep these two away from each other. I can just meet Eugeo at the tree and tell him what happened when I ditch this guy._  

“Just for a little, okay?” 

“Yes! Maybe you'll learn something from me too, yeah?” 

“Hmm...maybe.” 

 _Who knows maybe this will be cathartic. I can't beat the shit out of that laughing coffin member but at least I can swing a sword at this punk for making Eugeo uncomfortable._  

A few minutes later found the unlikely pair at the practice field, facing each other. 

“So I just need you to fight back if you can, if not and you just hold the sword steady, like this,” Jink moved into a basic defensive stance and Kirito absentmindedly copied him to show he was listening, “I promise not to hit you. That's called stop short.” 

 _What...what a show off._  

“Gotcha. Wanna start? I can't stay long.” 

Jink looked taken aback that Kirito wasn't nervous. 

“S-sure? Ok ready?” Kirito nodded, going into a general defensive stance, “En garde!” 

 _Wrong sport, dumbass._  

Kirito didn't plan on trying. 

-He lightly blocks Jinks first two hits- 

He couldn't find it in him to try, his head hurt, Jink was grating on his nerves, he blocked another swipe, he didn't know how long he'd been trapped here. He missed Asuna already even though it'd probably only been 5 minutes in the real world, and he stepped backwards switching to an offensive stance, he felt like he was drowning, he felt like he was going to be in this tiny village forever without those he held dear, without his family, he swiped forward- 

“Wait!!” 

Kirito stops millimeters from Jink's forehead. 

Kirito can't force any sound out of his mouth for a moment. Instead he swiftly moves the end of the wooden blade away from Jink. 

“...Sorry.” 

He didn't want to hurt anyone. They had two more matches which Kirito subtly let Jink win. To Jink's credit, he didn't seem shaken by the near injury. 

He left quickly once it neared the time for Eugeo's woodcutting to start. He made sure to stop by the bakery and buy two sweet pastries with the coin he'd earned at the church the day before. He actually spent all of the money he'd earned so far on food. 

Since diving, Kirito had found he was constantly hungry. More so than he ever was in the real world. 

He jogged his way down the path out of the village and towards the forest. 

“Eugeo!” 

“Kirito!” Eugeo sounded relieved and possibly a little angry, “You're,” an acorn came flying towards Kirito's face, “Late!” The bag of sweets was stolen from Kirito's hands as he dodged the projectile. 

“My breakfast!” 

Kirito fully intended to let Eugeo have both if he wanted them. 

“So?” Eugeo was already peeking into the bag, “Did you get in trouble for sleeping in?” 

“Oh, I didn't sleep in. I got ambushed by Jink while waiting for you.” 

“Oh?” 

Eugeo's tone was devoid of emotion at Kirito's answer. 

“He….wanted me to help him do his morning warm up.” 

“Weird.” 

Kirito made a noise of agreement, “You weren't there yet and I didn't want him to bother you and….just, you seem uncomfortable near him,” Eugeo turned sharply towards Kirito, “So I went along with it, and...I..almost hurt him so I just let him win and well...here I am.” 

Kirito turns his gaze towards Eugeo to see his new friend staring intently at him. 

“What?” 

Eugeo doesn't answer as he puts the paper bag in Kirito's lap, picks it up and readies his swing. 

“So, in order,” 

 _Thwack!_  

“You followed someone you barely know,” 

_Thawk!_

“Let him swing a sword at you,” 

 _Thwack!_  

“And I'm assuming almost sliced him with a sword instead-” 

 _Thwack!_  

“Because you thought-” 

 _Thwack!_  

“I would be _uncomfortable!”_  

_Thwack!_

 

Kirito winced, he had a feeling Eugeo had imagined his face on that swing. He replied in a small voice.

 

“Um, ye--” 

“ _And!_ Then you went and bought _my_ favorite pastries!” 

 _Thwack!_  

“....Seven nice hits.” 

“Kirito.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why are you so kind?” 

“Kind? I don't think I am? Why couldn't you say that without the axe?” 

“Because I am lacking. Unlike you, Mr. Perfect.” 

“I'm really not..” 

Eugeo held his hand out for the bag. Instead of opening it to let Eugeo take one he passed the whole thing over. 

“See, perfect?” Eugeo held both the sweet buns, showing off how he had both without a struggle. 

“Not hungry.” 

“Is the world ending?” 

“Shut up.” 

Kirito let himself fall back onto his back. He felt his worries floating away as he stared up at the sky. The disorientation and feelings from when he stood across from Jink were fading away, hopefully never to afflict him in the same way. 

It was peaceful and quiet aside from the sound of metal hitting wood and even that noise was relaxing in its own right. Kirito's eyes slowly fell closed. 

He awoken to the sound of wind brushing over the grass. He opened his eyes to the sight of blonde hair spread messily over the grass. 

He was sharply reminded of his first real bonding with Asuna, her hair against the grass, unguarded, sword sheathed. The grass gently swayed in time to Eugeo's soft breaths. Kirito took a sharp breath  and moved away to lean on Gigas. He shakily exhaled. 

 

 _What's wrong with me? Why am I here? What can I do from here?_  

The answer was immediate and merciless. 

 

 _Nothing._  

 

He drew his knees towards his chest as he peered aimlessly towards the forest. 

 _If there's anything I learned from back then, then…where I am is my reality, so I'd better spend my time here to the fullest._  

The thought was hollow at that moment. All Kirito could really think about was all those he was cut off from. Sugu, Asuna, Klein, and this time he couldn't even talk to Yui. 

 _I've really become this dependent, huh? I'm sure it's barely been any time at all in the real world but...if I'm in here because I got hurt then… who knows how long I'll be asleep. If it's even a few days or a week...how many years will I go… alone?_  

_“-iri-”_

 

 

_If I die here will I just… basically log out? My existence here isn't even meaningful._

 

 

_“-irito!”_

 

 

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, making the faint pain in his head a little more pronounced and he couldn't decide if the pain was from his real body or not. He let his eyes refocus on his new friend. 

“Kirito, what's wrong?” 

Eugeo was kneeling on the grass in front of Kirito, the warmth of his hand pushing away some of the coldness Kirito felt. 

“...nothing,” Eugeo looked wholly unconvinced, “I was thinking,” now the other boy looked unconvinced and skeptical. 

“About?” 

Kirito lets his head fall forward onto his knees, trapping Eugeo's hand between his neck and shoulder. 

“Do you think...anyone where I came from misses me? I think...I miss them. I feel so lonely. I don't think I've ever felt this lonely before.” 

Eugeo is silent and Kirito is afraid he asked too much, afraid to even look up, because if the people of this world _aren't_ real then he really is all alone, but another moment later Eugeo has moved forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He feels his head press against Eugeo's chest and he feels the creeping coldness in his heart withdraw and his head focus a little more. Something about the hug soothed Kirito's headache and he wouldn't move if given the option. 

“Kirito that feeling…it may not fade but, I'm right here. As long as you need me.” 

“Oh..” Kirito felt Eugeo tense, maybe in anticipation of being pushed away. He seemed too used to that, Kirito thought, as he continued, feeling like he could fall asleep again, “Maybe you're what was missing on the other side…” 

Eugeo shifted a little, “The...other side?” 

Kirito didn't respond aside from releasing the death grip he had on himself. He then reached up and hugged Eugeo back, almost shyly. 

When they moved apart, Eugeo couldn't keep the worry off his face for this boy he'd known for barely a week. 

But then Kirito, with his face a little red from embarrassment, gave him the brightest smile he'd had directed towards him in months. In _years._ Then quietly the black haired boy said, “Thank you, I know we only just met but-” 

“But I feel like I've known you forever? Right?” 

Eugeo held his hand out, “Come on, lets walk back. You really slept through the whole day, you know?” 

Kirito took the unnecessary help, unaware he still had a small smile on his face, and they packed up to head back to Rulid. 

He knew eventually the thoughts would come creeping back, he would probably lose time again, lose sight, but the friendship he was building with Eugeo and the interactions with everyone else? Those felt real, they were his reality and he would treat it as such. He would miss his friends and family in reality every single moment but he was sure he would miss those he'd met in this world just as much when he left.

 He managed to fall asleep quickly that night. 

Eugeo, on the other hand, laid in bed staring at the ceiling.

He wasn't sure where it had come from, the feeling that he'd known Kirito for far far longer than a mere week, but once he'd said it he had begun to feel an extremely strong sense of deja vu. 

He wondered what Kirito's life had been like before their meeting for him to have such a heartbroken look on his face. A look like he'd just managed to gain everything he wanted, like he wasn't surprised to lose it but there was nothing more he could do. 

He closed his eyes, hoping that eventually his anxious energy would leave him and he'd be able to rest. 

For the first time Eugeo felt scorn towards his Calling. If he could he would travel with Kirito until they found someone who knew him before his arrival in Rulid. They would be friends and maybe he'd never see that look on his face ever again.

 

Something like a cousin of pain shot through his right eye as he began to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugeo is so kind, he would take care of anyone the way he did with Kirito if they needed it. But minus the jealousy. They are in a pseudo honeymoon period of their new friendship which is confusing because they both feel like they already know each other.


	2. Hearing

The next day, their routine was back to normal, with one exception, Jink, and his friend who shared the same Calling, another guard, Romaine were waiting outside the church once Eugeo arrived.

Kirito had returned to his habit of being late and had not seen them yet.

Eugeo smiled, and hoped it didn’t look forced as he greeted the two.

“Morning, what brings you over here this early? I thought the church was later in your patrol.”

If Eugeo didn’t know better, the smile Jink sends back could be termed pleasant, maybe even handsome, but his words betrayed his expression.

“We were thinking of bringing Kirito on to the guard. He doesn’t have a Calling y’know? So he could help where ever. What better way to help the village hosting him, than to guard it?”

Eugeo knew this would happen eventually, he just didn’t know who it would be.

Children of vector were not assigned new callings, merely assigned work to do. The reason for that was if their memory ever returned, they were to return to their original Calling. Having more than one Calling was taboo.

 

He would admit, he was surprised that Jink was the first to scout him. There was nothing he could do about it except watch.

Eugeo didn’t know how he felt. He hadn’t had a friend who could be stolen from him since Alice, and even back then Jink tried his hardest to do that.

He wasn’t sure what he’d done to make the other dislike him so much.

He was still scared to eat near the other boy.

 

_ Hmm. Kirito is right. I am uncomfortable around him. _

 

Eugeo didn’t know where to look so he leaned against a nearby tree closer to the side of the building, and looked towards the rest of the village, waiting. There was no way any of them could miss Kirito leaving the church, so Eugeo couldn't be blamed for letting out a squeak when Kirito spoke from next to Eugeo.

“Morning?”

Jink and Romaine looked around themselves for an explanation as to where he came from.

“Yo, we're here to recruit you, you almost impressed-”

“Maimed-” Kirito interjected

“ _ Impressed _ me with those spars yesterday. We want you in our honorary guard."

Eugeo couldn't keep the disgust completely off his face. Honorary sounded a lot like temporary fan club.

Which is exactly what it was, no one was allowed more than one Calling after all, it wasn't healthy.

But Eugeo knew a few people who tagged along on patrols, praising Jink when they had the time. It disgusted him.

A glance to his side told him that Kirito felt the same, though he didn't seem to be able to keep many emotions off his face. Jink was practically talking down to the two, “Why would I do that? Yesterday was a one time thing so don't get carried away.”

Kirito's tone was casual as he walked away but something about how he spoke how he began to step away and walk towards the road, and the blank look on his face…

“Well….you heard him...see you,” Eugeo awkwardly said his farewells and quickly walked to catch up with Kirito.

Kirito didn't say anything or look at the other.

“Kirito?”

He suddenly let out a loud exhale, “Damn!”

“What?”

“What's up with him?”

Eugeo was a little amused, this side of Kirito was new to him.

_ All sides of Kirito are gonna be new, you just met him. _

Eugeo shrugged helplessly, “He's always been been like that. I'm not sure what I...did…”

Kirito spun towards Eugeo, directing a fierce glare his way, “Probably. Nothing.”

“...Kirito, what's wrong?”

He sighed, “Sorry. I just...feel like I've dealt with people like him before. People who hate you for being yourself.”

Eugeo felt something catch in his throat.

“But that's okay! Who cares about him, I've got you now!”

Eugeo gave a slightly shaky laugh, “Yeah.”

Kirito gave him a solid pat on the shoulder, like he didn't know he'd been the first to be proud to have him around and Eugeo felt like crying for what was too many times since he'd met Kirito.

_ Friendship, huh? _

 

He took a deep breath.

 

That night found him asleep unlike the night before. He dreamed of golden hair. He dreamed of a boy who understood him. He couldn't see him but his voice soothed something in him. He dreamed of a tree.

 

Days passed and the elder announced that Kirito would reside in Rulid village. Once his memories and his Calling returned he would be able to move on. Until that time he was to choose a temporary Calling. That night was the Choosing ceremony.

Eugeo could see that everyone had hopes for Kirito.

He knew, realistically, that their days together wouldn't last forever. That eventually Kirito would have to work. He also knew this didn't mean he wouldn't see Kirito again. It just meant they'd have  _ less  _ time together. He didn't like that. 

A finger prodded at his side. Eugeo immediately slapped the offending limb aside. 

“Stop that!”

“You're such a child! What's wrong, why do you have that look on your face.”

Eugeo glanced over at Kirito, “I don't have a look on my face, shut it!” Eugeo was pouting. And though Kirito was sure he had the exact same look on his face he continued to prod the other boy. He really was very childish sometimes, did he really think Kirito was going to abandon him for some day job? They still had to figure out their weird ‘I feel like I know you but obviously I don't’ issue and who knew how long that would take.

A finger prodded Eugeo's abdomen.

“Kirito!”

It was a day of rest so Eugeo had gathered up the courage to visit Kirito at the church. They had decided to hole up in the common room.

“Seriously, what?”

Kirito's finger prodded Eugeo's cheek. He grabbed both Kirito's wrists to keep him at bay.

“Just….we won't have as much time together during the work days after tonight…”

Kirito stopped trying to break free, “Oh..”

Eugeo felt a slight victory, thinking he'd finally managed to shut Kirito up until, “So you're gonna  _ miss _ me is what you're saying?”

He looked so self satisfied that Eugeo couldn't help but push him onto the carpet. The cat protested the invasion of space, hopping on to Eugeo's lap instead.

Kirito chose to remain on the carpet, eyes closed and facing up towards the ceiling.

Eugeo's mind flashed back to the day he woke up, with Kirito stuck with the thought that no one missed him, that no one cared.

Eugeo looked down, and in a quiet voice responded, “Of course I'd miss you.”

Kirito was quiet after that and eventually fell asleep until it was time to leave for the ceremony.

 

Eugeo barely remembered the Hearing. He remembered watching Kirito climb the short steps of the stage that was set up in the square. He remembered Alice’s dad saying a few words before asking Kirito to state his calling that he’d definitely thought long and hard about. He remembered his brother making a snide comment from nearby.

Eugeo had his doubts already on the thinking part. His friend had barely mentioned it in the past few days, Eugeo was always the one that had brought it up.

Then he opened his stupid mouth and Eugeo couldn’t breathe.

“For my temporary Calling...I’m going to cut the Gigas Cedar.”

The square was silent.

“A-are you sure, Kirito?”

“Yup.”

“Right. Well. Until the moment you remember your true calling you are assigned the task of woodcutter. You understand you are responsible for yourself, correct?”

“Mhmm.”

And the ceremony was over just like that. Normally someone, or anyone would start a celebration immediately, but no one knew what to say about Kirito’s Choice, so there was a long pause before the food was brought out.

The role of woodcutter was something to be celebrated, it’s an expansion of life, and the Gigas was the biggest blocker of farms, additional food, and additional space. Past generations had tried to grow or move around it but  _ nothing _ worked.

But when it was Eugeo, his family was disappointed, they wanted him to take over the farm. The disappointment turned to requesting his wages to support the family, and Eugeo couldn’t reject his own family.

This made Eugeo quieter, and less willing to be the first to interact. He would be met with rejection anyway. 

In turn the Eugeo that others saw was withdrawn and cold, didn’t care for others, and had no likes, no wants, no interest in others.

His family’s treatment of him, the fact that he was rarely seen with them...that only confirmed their assumptions.

Eugeo was alone, Eugeo was lonely, Eugeo was fearful.

And now Kirito was going to be exactly the same. He saw it already in the awkward congratulations and the reluctant smiles.

Some had invited Kirito to have meals with them so maybe it wasn’t all bad.

 

Eugeo exhaled.

 

He moved to lean against a stone wall leading into an alleyway.

He felt his hands shaking.

_ Why am I upset, there’s no reason for me to be upset. I have a friend with the same calling. The same! There was no way this could’ve happened. _

He thought of Kirito wandering towards him, the sunlight streaming through the treetops, looking lost and unsure.

_ I shouldn’t even care, it’s his choice to do this. I told him not to stick with me! _   
Kirito had looked terrible when he was thinking about his past.

_ I barely know him. _

He thought -he still thought he was alone and he had chosen Eugeo.

_ He chose me out of everyone else. _

 

“Hey Eu--”

Eugeo let out a frustrated yell as he opened his eyes.

A few eyes in the square shifted towards them as the black haired boy took a step back.

Kirito let out a nervous laugh.

“Kirito.”

Kirito’s eyes wandered towards Eugeo’s clenched, shaking hands, which the other quickly shoved behind him, not liking the show of vulnerability in that moment.

His eyes then wandered back up to meet Eugeo’s.

“Eugeo?”

_A calling partner….someone whose goal was the same as your own...someone to share a part of your life with that you would never be able to with anyone else. Does he even know about this?_

“You’re...y-you’re so stupid!”

“You could’ve done  _ anything _ you could’ve been a swordsman - I’ve seen you eyeing the training grounds - or a welder, you're good with your hands or..or...or anything but being  _ stuck with me _ !”

“Stuck?! Euge--”

“But now you’re going to be stuck cutting the tree, who knows if you’ll ever get your memories back? Who knows what your calling was, maybe it was completed and now you’re stuck cutting this stupid tree for the rest of your damn life with me and you can’t take it back!”

Kirito had wandered closer, seeming scared to touch but hands hovering near Eugeo’s shoulders.

Eugeo’s raised a fist and Kirito winced in anticipation as he gently let it thump against Kirito’s chest.

He opened his eyes to Eugeo’s gritted teeth, his hair hanging a little over his eyes as he looked down.

“....you can’t take it back..”

“Okay.”

Eugeo wasn’t crying, he didn’t think he was physically capable of it in that moment. Something about Kirito was tearing him apart bit by bit and he wasn’t sure what it was. He hated the feeling. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted Kirito around.

He looked up to a red faced Kirito who had a gentle grip on his shoulders.

“.....what’s wrong..”

“I...um, nothing.”

“Kirito, I am extremely close to losing it because I haven’t had a friend in years and that friend decided to throw away all his opportunities for a dead end Calling. What. Is. It.”

“N-nothing.”

No one could hear them from where they were, and they could barely be seen, so Eugeo had felt perfectly secure to yell at Kirito a little. He still felt frustrated though and he couldn’t imagine he’d said anything to garner  _ that _ reaction from Kirito.

“Kiri has ulterior motives!”

Kirito didn’t jump back at the additional voice but he definitely moved away from his friend.

“O-oh, Selka! Hi!”

“Hi Kiriri, hi Eugeo!”

“Um, hello.”

Eugeo still wasn’t sure how to act around Selka. He felt like he’d failed her too all those years ago, but he soldiered on, “Ulterior...motives?”

“I knew you’d be upset. Don’t be, you guys will be great working at the Gigas Cedar! You might even chop the whole thing down!”

Kirito had quickly lost the look on his face that Eugeo wanted to analyze, to find out why.

“Hey, who wants to go eat?”

“I do!” Eugeo couldn’t help but smile, Selka had always been a nice girl.

Kirito spun around to walk away, a bit faster than he normally would, towards the buffet.

Selka grabbed Eugeo’s arm, tugging him a little further back.

“Y’know, Kiri told me he thought you two would be really really good friends.”

“Y-yeah?” The idea of Kirito thinking that and  _ telling  _ people. It made Eugeo happy.

“Mhmm. When I told him that lots of people thought he was handsome and he could probably befriend anyone he got a little...catty. He said that it was a good thing you were attractive enough that they weren’t even in consideration.”

Eugeo didn’t know what to say to that so...so he didn’t.

“Your face is red.”

“No it’s not!”

“You two will be great partners, everyone will be so jealous.”

Her tone was still teasing but he heard the honesty and her expression was so genuine.

“Thanks..”

“Rito! Wait up!”

Eugeo itched at his right eye, smiling, someone patted his shoulder and congratulated him on his new Calling Partner.

He felt a childish delight bubble up from within as he watched Kirito and Selka's smiles brighten up the faces around them.

He wasn’t alone anymore.

 

Kirito complained a lot.

Eugeo was patient with him, he understood the feeling well.

“A week and  _ only _ 1 Life lost!!”

“You really didn't think before you chose this, did you?”

“I don't regret  _ this _ . Just. Why only assign one cutter to the do this!”

There he went again, just lightly brushing the rules.

“Hmm...probably because we're not even sure if this evil thing  _ can  _ fall.”

“Eh?”

“Maybe it'll just reattach its roots once it falls and we'll have to cut it all over again.”

Kirito looked offended that anything could even think to be that durable.

“Do we have anything stronger than these axes?”

“The only thing stronger would be an integrity knight's sword…”

Kirito let out a groan, “Wait...actually. I might have something.”

“You might…?”

_ Why would Eugeo have something as powerful as an integrity knight's sword? _

“Wait here, I'll go get it from the shed before we keep going!”

Eugeo ran off only to return about 15 minutes later carrying a heavy load.

“What is…”

Eugeo practically collapsed at his feet, “Be careful, it's heavy…”

Kirito struggled to lift what he'd revealed to be a light blue, faintly glimmering sword.

“It's…”

_ Beautiful _

Kirito kept the thought to himself, Eugeo didn't need to know how much he loved blades.

“Really heavy..”

Kirito lifted the blade out of its scabbard and turned towards the looming cedar.

“Kirito do you think that-”

“Maybe we can-

“Use the sword instead?”

The blade glowed a light blue as Kirito shifted into stance for a one hit cleave.

But the sword was too heavy and Kirito overbalanced to one side landing the hit off the mark.

“Kirito! Are you alright?”

Kirito let out a groan, “You should try too..”

“Uh...looking at you now, I don't think I want to.”

Kirito stood, pressing the sword into Eugeo's hands.

“Balance with your feet instead of your arms, rather than the front, hold the sword to the side.”

“Oh,” Kirito moved Eugeo's limbs into position, “Got it.”

“Don't worry, just give it a try.”

“Okay,” Eugeo took a calming breath, a step forward and then he felt gravity helping him swing towards threw tree. He put force into the motion. 

And he felt himself fall on his butt, a bit shaken. 

“I don't think this is gonna work,”

Kirito's expression was calm as he helped Eugeo up, “That was actually pretty good.”

Eugeo smiled, knowing his next comment would rattle Kirito, “So you used to be a swordsman, huh?”

“Huh?” Kirito froze, “I…. Probably…”

Eugeo froze, wide eyed, “Wait, really? I thought that was all muscle memory and… you being you?”

“Um..” Kirito gave a suspicious, helpless shrug. 

“Alright… it's ok,  we can change the topic. “

 

_ Kirito remembers…I thought so before but this just proves it more... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How Eugeo feels about having someone want to get close to them is something I relate to. Feeling anxious, panicked, and scared of others all the time because it's been so long since he's really spoken to anyone or had anyone care about how you feel. Or feeling upset when something nice is done for you.
> 
> Do your best, Eugeo!!
> 
> Oh, and don't forget about Selka.
> 
> On a lighter note, you know that feeling when you just think your friends are attractive and you kinda want to hug them and it's all super innocent? That's Kirito. He likes hugs. He cries a lot. It's affecting Eugeo.


	3. Ethereal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can feel myself writing in plot holes.

Eugeo wasn't particularly bothered by the fact that Kirito might remember his past. He wasn't bothered that he might never have forgotten either.

He was concerned above all else. What happened to make him pretend he had amnesia? He hadn't run from anyone, he clearly missed people he knew before meeting Eugeo. He couldn't have run from his calling. An integrity knight would've taken care of that. Which means he'd completed, or had a special Calling.

 

Was he really a swordsman?

 

Where was he from?

 

Eugeo felt relieved that he learned this now, after only barely knowing Kirito for five weeks. If it had been later...he couldn't think of how he would have reacted to the lie.

But he instinctively knew there was some sort of desperation in the lie, he just couldn't connect the dots.

 

“Kirito…”

 

“......yes?” Kirito had answered in an appropriately wary tone.

“Are you from the Dark Territory?”

“.......no.”

Kirito had agreed to tell the truth if Eugeo ever guessed what was going on with him correctly or if he ever guessed why he couldn't talk about his pass. He seemed confident that Eugeo would never guess which made Eugeo's guesses more and more outlandish.

“Oh, I see.”

 

Kirito's axe flew towards the looming cedar.

 

“Hey, Eugeo.”

“Yes?”

“You're not mad at me?”

“For lying about your amnesia? Not really. I'm concerned.”

The axe struck wood again and again.

“...concerned?”

“Yes. Concerned. Worried.”

Eugeo saw this conversation coming. Anyone would expect anger after a lie of that magnitude. But after a little thought Eugeo found the lie harmless and anything that would put him in danger...well that didn't exist. The Index stated there would be no harming of one's fellows and regardless of where Kirito was from, he was human, just like Eugeo.

That being said, he was going to make the other squirm for all the trouble he'd caused.

To Kirito, the questions seemed outlandish, but they just proved that _something_ happened to Kirito.

He wasn't from the Dark Territory so he was a human on their side, he really had been lost.

Which means he came from somewhere else. Maybe another village, but how would he wander all the way to Rulid?

“Kirito?”

He swung the axe at the cedar starting to sound annoyed as he answered, “What?”

“Are you really a swordsman?”

A heavy silence fell over the two.

In a way it was cruel of Eugeo. There was no right answer. If yes, then Kirito had to talk about himself and confirm at least some of his memories. If no...then Kirito would be stuck in his lie or he would have to regain Eugeo's trust. At least his previous, vague, admission of remembering swordsmanship was honest in its own way.

Kirito kept swinging the axe until he was finished for the day. It wasn't until they had returned the tools to the shed and they had begun down the path towards town that Kirito broke, speaking so quietly Eugeo almost didn't hear him.

“..we can practice if you like.”

For a moment Eugeo raised his eyebrows, disbelievingly, “The Taboo Index says no practicing on days of rest.:

“Oh.”

The other had quite a complicated look on his face. His response proved he didn't know the Taboo Index either. There was no _work_ on days of rest. Extracurriculars were a whole other deal. Mastery of a sword had nothing to do with woodcutting.

“Just kidding. I'd love to learn from you.”

Eugeo could see Kirito getting frustrated. He knew he should stop annoying him but he couldn't help it, he was like this with Alice sometimes too. He would poke until the other exploded.

Kirito's response was nothing but a fierce glare and to gently grab the load from Eugeo's arms.

“You are such a little kid.”

“You did say to ask.”

“Not all day!”

“Oh? I didn't realize there were terms.”

“I've been a _terrible_ influence. I take it back, I'm not teaching you anything.”

“That's alright I learned plenty.”

“What?” Kirito sounded startled. _Really?_

“You're from somewhere else that I can't think of. You're not from the Dark Territory and you're from somewhere that doesn't have the Taboo Index. Am I correct so far?”

“...yes.”

“Great. Let's get going.”

“Eugeo, you're...really not mad at me?”

“No, besides, I had my fun today! Come on already, Selka said she'd bake your favorite today!”

Kirito didn't follow after Eugeo right away, instead looking a little conflicted.

“Eugeo?” He called a bit loudly.

Said woodsman turned around in response.

“I uh...I wasn't a swordsman...I just...I just think of myself that way but if you're okay with me then…”

Eugeo was startled for a moment as he saw himself in Kirito's mannerisms, in the way he stood uneasily, in the way he expected rejection.

_This guy...he's...we're kind of similar aren't we.._

His answer felt inadequate but, he didn't know what else to say.

“Of course I'm okay with you,” the words felt awkward in his mouth, he was unused to anyone needing his reassurance or even his opinion, “I'm sorry if I teased too much. I'm just curious about my new mysterious partner who probably doesn't have amnesia.”

Kirito winced at the mention of his lie. Eugeo still felt thrown, “Really Kirito, I'm not mad. Just worried. What if you get in trouble? Didn't you have a Calling before? Family?” Kirito shook his head.

“I...don't know how to get back to my family.”

“So you really _don't_ know how you got here? Do you remember what your home looked like?”

Kirito shook his head, starting to get frustrated. There was no way he could tell Eugeo his family was from a whole other world. That his whole world was nothing more than a simulation.

“Ah.”

Eugeo assumed Kirito couldn't or, more likely, wouldn't say. Regardless his answer was the same, a quiet, unsure, “It's okay, we'll figure it out. And if you ever decide to, I'm sure the whole village would help you.”

Kirito felt his frustration leave him, even with a weak reassurance from the other. The sun dipped down behind the hill, it's fading rays brushing the side of his face.

He suddenly smiled, “But don't think I'll stop bugging you until you tell me!”

Kirito felt a laugh burst free as Eugeo spun around and started running towards the village in a surprisingly rare show of childishness.

It looked like he was chasing the setting sun as Kirito watched him.

“Thank you, Eugeo..” he said softly before yelling and running behind the other.

 

Selka was not pleased to see Kirito drenched in sweat and late for dinner.

 

Eugeo was not greeted at all. His family generally ate before the sun set and even when he took on his Calling, they never changed their meal time.

There were no leftovers so he scrounged up what he could of the remaining ingredients and made a slightly unsatisfying soup for dinner.

He hadn't felt sad about his relationship with his family for a long time. He understood that they were just practical. But after having such an open conversation with Kirito, then being invited for a late dinner by Selka - a dinner which he politely refused - he felt sad.

He ate half the soup, and fed the rest to the dog. It was so simple a fare that the hound wouldn't get an upset stomach from it.

When he'd washed up and finally made it to his bed, he spotted his two siblings, asleep without a care.

Like it didn't matter where he was and what he'd done for the day.

Eugeo felt the strong urge not to be at home.

He laid in bed for a mere 20 minutes before crawling out of bed, slipping on his shoes and more layers before venturing outside.

He walked aimlessly for 30 minutes, a few others still out and about gave him curious stares, but no one stopped him.

He felt kind of like a ghost, looking in on everyone else's life. He didn't matter and neither did his actions as long as he didn't hurt anyone.

He could disappear or run away and he wasn't sure anyone would notice until the next day once the sound of his axe was missing from the ambient noise of the forest.

Eventually his feet led him to the church.

He watched from outside himself as his knuckles rapped against the thick door.

It was silent enough inside that he felt he wouldn't get an answer.

He was sure no one would notice if he kept walking and followed the path towards the mountains.

He knocked again after half a minute then leaned against the side.

It was quiet and he felt oddly at peace.

He found himself unsure of why he knocked, why he was even there. If no one answered then he would walk back home and slip back into bed, disappearance unnoticed.

“Eugeo?”

He opened eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed to find Selka peering at him from the doorway.

He didn't know what to say and was silent for a long moment. Before he could gather his words, Selka spoke, “Would...would you like to come in?”

He found himself nodding and following her in to the sitting room.

“Let me get you a towel.”

_Towel?_

Eugeo lifted a hand to his hair, he guessed it had started raining towards the end of his walk.

He frowned, feeling a little off.

“Eh? Eugeo?”

He shifted his gaze towards the entryway to meet Kirito's.

He was holding a bucket, probably about to take a shower.

It wasn't too late and not too late to visit, but it was an undoubtedly unusual visit considering he'd turned down dinner not too much earlier.

Eugeo lifted a hand in greeting. He was finding it hard to talk, which he found strange considering the sad feeling in his gut had completely disappeared. But instead, he found he felt empty.

Something in Kirito's expression shifted like he'd figured something out and he manhandled Eugeo into a plush chair.

“Eugeo, what are you thinking?”

Kirito's voice sounded purposely steady and clinical. He'd seen the expression on his friend's face before.

“Huh? Nothing much.”

Kirito gave him a look that screamed ‘ _Really? Now you're trying to lie?’_

“Really...it's nothing. I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk.”

Kirito's frown deepened, “A walk?”

He looked away from Kirito, silent. Kirito had kneeled in front of him, and Selka waited politely, outside the doorway.

“Yeah...a walk. I didn't want to be home.”

Kirito nodded encouragingly, “I couldn't stand being there...I don't...I don't think they'll even notice that I left.”

“What do you mean?”

Eugeo felt the lump in his throat reappear, “It's nothing. Just...I was so relieved earlier when you said you'd spend your free time with me and then...at home. No one even waited for me to get home. Even though I was  way later than usual. I could have been...my brothers were all asleep and the door to my parent's room was closed.”

He felt a hand grip his shoulder and he realized he was kind of cold.

“So I went for a walk. And ended up here. Sorry.”

Kirito shook his head, “Don't be, this'll be fun, we can have a sleepover. I've never done that before.”

“Huh?”

“And you can borrow some clothes.”

“Wait, Kirito, I should probably go-”

Selka strolled in to the room, “Nonsense! You're always welcome here, Eugeo. Geez, I've been trying to get you to visit for years and you manage it in weeks Kirito.”

Suddenly Eugeo finds himself with arms wrapped around his neck from behind,  wrapping a towel around his neck and enveloping him in a loose hug.

“U-um…”

“I'd notice if you were gone right away. I don't want to lose anyone else.”

Eugeo swallowed his automatic reaction to ask _why_ she'd notice, instead gently gripping her arm in response. Kirito saw his expression at Selka's admission and gave his hands a firm squeeze and a small smile. Eugeo attempted a weak once back, unable to understand how she could tolerate him, how she didn't blame him for her missing sister.

Selka didn't linger long, stepping back to slap Eugeo so hard on his shoulders that he let out a pained noise. Kirito quickly released his hands before she could see.

“Honestly, I can't believe how much you avoided coming here. You know I don't blame you, right? For my big sister?”

Eugeo nodded but the other two shared a look, he was definitely blaming himself.

Kirito stood, “Cmon Eugeo, I'll show you my room, you can have the bed. You look like you need some sleep”

“What? No I couldn't…”

Their bickering trailed away as Selka lingered behind.

She was sad for Eugeo, happy that Kirito had brought him out of his shell.

When she was younger she'd always hear all sorts of things about her big sister and her friend Eugeo. She wanted to play with them but she was always stuck in class or helping the sisters.

Once she had been crying outside the door because she'd wanted to join her sister so badly for lunch but she had to have lunch with her class. Her sister was the only one older than the rest so she was allowed to go out alone for midday break.

All she could think was that she missed her sister and she wanted to spend time with her and meet the friend who helps make her happy.

But she couldn't and she was overwhelmed and all she could do was cry.

Eugeo had been coming to meet Alice for once, he had been getting his axe repaired in town so they were going to eat in the garden behind the church.

One second she was crying after her sister, Alice had a helpless look on her face, she wanted to stay but she didn't want to break her promise to Eugeo.

But Eugeo came up to them and patted her on the head. He went inside with her, Alice trailing behind, almost crying herself, and Eugeo sat down with the class, next to Selka. He gave her sweets and everyone in class had been jealous of her cute and kind older brother.

She'd seen him after that and always wanted to follow after him, he'd been like her sunlight and she'd realized she was trying so hard so that one day she'd be free. She wasn't sure what she meant by free but it was her goal.

So to lose him and Alice at the same time hurt. More than anything.

But now she had Kirito and thanks to Kirito, Eugeo seemed to be coming back.

Not that he'd gone anywhere, but now he seemed to be waking up.

She vowed never to tell either boy what she thought of them. It was embarrassing. She was too old to yearn for older siblings to take care of her. But in her own thoughts it was safe. They were safe. She'd stick to silly nicknames instead and hope they didn't find her obnoxious.

She knocked on the door to Kirito's room,  blanket and pillows in hand after a while.

“Selka...Selka! Were you planning on sleeping here? That's…”

“I can do whatever I want, nothing untoward is going on here anyway.” She fixed a fierce look on the two of them and they visibly shrunk, even though she knew neither of them thought of her that way.

“Anyway,” she let her tone become playful, “I feel uneasy for some reason, and I know it's safest right next to Yuu and Kiri.”

Eugeo's face turned bright red at the nickname and Kirito burst out laughing, already long used to his own nickname.

They ended up talking long into the night and their heavy eyes in the morning felt worth it.

 

Selka was gone before the boys woke up, both curled up on the floor, insisting Selka take the bed.

In the moments before she was fully awake, she looked down towards them and wished she was a better artist so she could capture the moment.

The two were curled towards each other, not quite touching. The sun kissed their hair as it rose. They shared the blanket from Kirito's bed, Eugeo's hand curled into one corner of the fabric,  the other half drifting off of Kirito. She took a long moment to savor the peace before quietly getting up and slipping back to her own room to change.

She was a little older than when Alice had been with them. Maybe no one would mind if she visited them once in a while.

_Wait. Since Alice was with them? Kirito and big sister...they've never met.._

The thought passed through her mind so quickly that she didn't give it further consideration.

Eugeo woke up with his eyes burning. He hadn't been sleeping much and though last night was fun, it was time for work.

He felt a tug as he moved to get up and was greeted by something he wasn't ready to handle right after waking up.

“Eugeo… sleep..”

Kirito pulled at his arm, weakly, hugging it to himself.

“Kirito we have work. “

Kirito blinked, slowly like a cat,  “Day of rest?”

Eugeo stared back.

“It's our day off?”

Looking more awake, Kirito dragged him back into the nest of pillows and blankets on the floor. “Sleep.” Eugeo scowled, he hated sleeping in.

Kirito pet his hair like he was a little kid, “I'm not a child.”

“You're acting like one, go back to sleep.”

Eventually the warmth and Kirito's petting lulled him back to a half sleep. As he was drifting he thought he was being spoken to but he wasn't sure.

 

He was sure he'd mumbled something about having to go home and something about their conversation last night.

The petting feeling stopped for a moment and he felt his heavy limbs being shifted around and his head being put into a more comfortable position, but the movement didn't last long enough for it to bother Eugeo. Not that he'd admit he liked it. It started again.

  
  
  


_It's okay, you can stay here as long as you want. I won't let you disappear. I'll follow after you as long as you want._

 

_...you're everything I have in this world, remember?_

 

Eugeo remembers mumbling out a question as to worlds and everythings but before he knows it he's asleep for real this time, under the watch of someone he trusts and that's what he was missing. People who cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a little extra:
> 
> "Selka I can't move. He's like….very asleep.”
> 
> “You did this to yourself. Suffer. I guess you're not coming down for breakfast?”
> 
> Kirito let out a pained sigh, “I guess not.”
> 
> Eugeo curled further towards Kirito's stomach, head resting on Kirito's lap.
> 
> Selka was giving him a Look.
> 
> “What.”
> 
> She made an appraising noise, “Nothing. He's, uh, really cute.”
> 
> “I will not confirm or deny that.”
> 
> “That's confirmation enough. I haven't ever seen him that relaxed.”
> 
> “...Yeah...me neither.”
> 
> “Well like I said. You're stuck.”
> 
> Kirito looked over at her with wide, pleading eyes, “Breakfast?”
> 
> “Sure,” he looked so relieved she couldn't help but tease him, “When you detach your best friend.”
> 
> The door closed with a gentle thump.
> 
> Best friend, huh?


	4. Refraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for bodily injury and derealization/dissociation.

Kirito had anger issues. He knew that. It wasn't that he'd lash out at friends or yell. He'd shut down and run or fight whatever had caused the hurt. And even then that only happened when he was stressed beyond his limits and when his friends were threatened in some way. So when he found himself glaring at Eugeo's brothers while he was out at the market picking up groceries...well he was surprised at himself.

 

Eugeo hadn't shared anything that Kirito could use as solid proof but that night when he showed up suddenly...

 

The look on his face was anything but good.

It's the look he'd see on Sinon's face when she was having an off day. Those were the days he and Asuna were most scared she'd hurt herself.

He felt he knew Eugeo well enough to know whether or not he was like that but...well, he was a walking example of people hiding things.

He felt a painful tug at his heart, thinking of the real world. He'd started calling it the other side in his head so that if he slipped he could kind if explain himself away.

He was finding this world almost too real in any case.

He tore his gaze away from Eugeo's brother - he didn't even know his name. Eugeo didn't even mention them by name. How could he have missed that?

As he walked back to the church words like abuse and neglect and excommunication flitted through his head.

He missed Asuna. She would've been able to help Eugeo more. She understood better.

God he missed Asuna.

He missed Sinon's trolling message every night, their joking to cover up the combined wish not to sleep.

He missed Klein and his constant reassurance.

Great now he was sad and angry and Eugeo was coming over to help prepare for the monthly banquet the church threw. It was really an excuse to have a party. 

Eugeo would notice Kirito was sad immediately and it frustrated Kirito to no end. He had to get control of himself. Who knew how long he was stuck in the Underworld anyway? If he let himself break now how would he get through this?

He figured there had to be a way to contact the outside but he didn't know where. The Stacia window held very rudimentary but very important information. Nothing he could use. 

There was nothing anywhere in the town, and he'd done  _ plenty _ of snooping.

All he could think was the Capitol. He would go there but… he couldn't leave Eugeo  _ alone. _

Being there for Eugeo… it was more important to him than appeasing the loneliness he felt or his curiosity and his burning need to explore.

The idea of leaving Eugeo here in Rulid, alone to slip back into his routine of ‘cut the uncuttable tree, sit alone at home, wake up early, rinse and repeat’ - it made him sick. It made him think of days in SAO when he thought they'd never get out, when he hoped he didn't react fast enough to a monster or a boss.

No. He couldn't and wouldn't leave Eugeo. He was his reason for being here. He wasn't sure why but he had this feeling. That they knew each other. Maybe his memories of the real world weren't as real as he thought? What even made a world  _ real _ anyway?

He splashed some water in his face when he got back in hopes of not looking like he was having an existential crisis. 

 

He wasn't sure if it worked. 

 

After dinner Eugeo made a rare request to go sit outside. Kirito figured he didn't want to go home yet. He constantly insisted that he'd asked and he was always always welcome to stay with the church. Eugeo had always been a cute, rule abiding kid so Kirito could see why they would have no problem with him hanging around.

And there was that confusion again - Kirito didn't know Eugeo when he was a kid.

In any case he could see it.

“Kirito? Did you fall asleep?”

Kirito, laying comfortably on the grass opened his eyes to Eugeo leaning slightly over him.

Kirito thought that Eugeo was cute now too and quickly and ruthlessly killed the thought where it formed.

“...’m awake.”

That rewarded him with a small smile from Eugeo, “Don't sound it. Come on, let's get you inside before Selka scolds you for napping out here again.”

Kirito made a noise of protest before laughing as Eugeo bodily rolls him over. He never ever had a friendship like this in the real world. He was scared to act like himself there, people would find him annoying. At least that's what he thought. Here, though, there was no one who knew him to judge him and it was just so easy with Eugeo.

He let himself flop lifelessly onto the grass.

“I don't wanna go in yet!”

“Kirito,” Eugeo began, and Kirito could hear him about to give him a speech, probably jokingly, before it started. Kirito decided he would be a little shit and stop him there.

“Yuu.”

Kirito was staring right at Eugeo when he used the nickname. So he got to watch Eugeo pause with his mouth open, and then snap it close almost comically. His ears were bright red, the embarrassment not quite reaching his face.

Kirito shot up from his position, sitting to face Eugeo.

He sensed prey and he wasn't kind enough to let it go.

“So,” Kirito began, “Oh please don't,” Eugeo interjected, only to be ignored.

“ _ So _ , I thought it was just because Selka - cute, innocent Selka who we think of like a  _ sister - _ was calling you that.”

Eugeo made a pained noise. Kirito could tell he was going to get hit soon. He continued talking anyway.

“But you seem too embarrassed for that. Do you like that nickname?”

“No!”

“Really? I guess I'll tell Selka you hate it then?”

“What? No I don't-Kirito!”

“Yes?” He placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder in apology. Eugeo looked conflicted, he never brushed off physical affection but he also felt like punching Kirito in the face. He hated being teased.

The calming hand stayed on Eugeo's shoulder, “It's ok, I'll remember this for later. You're right though, we should head inside, Yuu!”

He gave Eugeo a firm pat before sprinting towards the church.

It was Eugeo's turn to flop back onto the grass to recover for a moment. There was something about that nickname.

Eugeo wasn't embarrassed by it, not really, but he also felt...he didn't know how he felt.

He'd never had a nickname before. Even Alice never gave him one. He didn't want anyone other than Selka and Kirito using it.

He wanted it to be kept safe and he didn't want anyone to spoil it for him. If his brothers heard he knew they would eventually make fun of him for it.

Kirito looked back from the door to see Eugeo calmly following after him, a confused look on his face.

He thought it was sad that Eugeo couldn't recognize when he was happy.

Or at least not this kind of happiness. The type you only got when you were satisfied with your place in the world, surrounded by people you love.

Maybe that was why he got along so well with Eugeo. He understood. Kirito bet that if he had the chance he'd search everywhere for Alice. The specific type of anger in his voice was unmistakable. Self hate for letting the tragedy happen. Desperate to do anything to fix it. Even worse, Eugeo thought she was  _ alive.  _ Regardless he wanted him to find an answer, so they had to find a way to get to the capitol.

Eugeo would never shirk his Calling. Their Calling. So first he had to figure out how to cut down the tree. He felt like the sword was a good idea but inefficient.

He wished he could go ask Agil what he thought.

Then Kirito did his best to stop thinking, otherwise he was going to think about all the people he loved who weren't there.

“Kirito, Eugeo! Time for dessert!”

 

Eugeo eventually went home that night.

Kirito didn't sleep well on his own and didn't see Eugeo the next day. He felt uneasy, his mind filled with thoughts of the morality of fluctlights and what was Rath doing and what he could do (nothing) and didn't sleep well the next night either.

That night found him sitting up with Selka. She seemed somber as Kirito asked what was on her mind.

“Sometimes...people look at me like I'm Alice. But she's gone, and I'm me.”

“Eugeo told me what she was like...but you're your own person Selka. You don't  _ need _ to be like Alice.”

“He actually spoke about Alice to you?”

Kirito seemed surprised that it was shocking for Eugeo to speak. He nodded.

“Woah. No one ever really does, but for Eugeo to…”

Selka stared at Kirito, trying to verbalize a thought and failing, instead opting for a simple, “Wow. So what did he say?”

“Well he told me about the day before she was taken, have you heard about that?”

“No, only you two know about that” Selka paused -  _ two? _ \- “Tell me?”

Kirito did his best to recount the tale word for word. Selka loved and needed to hear about her sister so if this is how he could help then he would.

They ended up staying up late again so when he woke up naturally rather than Selka's gentle prodding, he wasn't surprised.

He made his way outside to the well, planning on washing off with some cold water to wake up.

A voice from behind startled him, “Kirito, have you seen Selka?”

“Selka? No..I haven't yet. What's wrong?”

“It's probably nothing, but we can't find her anywhere.”

Alarm bells went off in Kirito's head, Selka was never late for anything.

“When was the last time she was seen?”

Sister Azariya looked startled at his tone, “Last night, before she retired for bed.”

_ So I was the last to see her...and _

“I'll go try to look for her, sister.”

“Thank you, Kirito. We'll keep an eye out here.”

He nodded in response before running to put on shoes, before practically sprinting out of the church.

Luckily that morning, Eugeo was waiting for him. Unsuspecting of the situation, he yelped as he was dragged along the path.

“Ki-”

“Selka's missing.”

“What?”

“Selka's missing and last night...last night we were talking about Alice.”

Eugeo let out an almost inaudible sound, “Don't say it was about-”

“About the day she broke the taboo..”

“Kirito…”

“Fuck! I know!”

“Kirito.”

“Be mad at me later, Eugeo, we have to find her before she gets in serious trouble.”

“Kirito!”

Kirito stopped at Eugeo's sharp tone, he'd managed to drag them out of town and halfway to the forest in record time. The poor guy had probably been trying to get his attention the entire time. He jumped when Eugeo squeezed his hand. He hadn't realized what he'd grabbed in his haste. His hands were shaking as he loosened his grip on Eugeo. 

“Calm down,” Kirito almost laughed, Eugeo looked anything but calm, “There's only one path into the mountains,  we'll find her.”

Kirito was quiet after that.

They eventually made it to the entrance to the caverns and he felt a wave of dizziness hit him as Eugeo picked up a blade of grass.

“System call,” Eugeo's voice overlapped with another, “Generate luminous element,” shorter, with longer hair, “Adhere.”

He looked towards Kirito, “That should make walking through the caves easier,” The dizzy feeling left Kirito as he responded.

They were quiet and tense as they entered, unsure as to how far in Selka had wandered. Eventually her footprints stopped as the ground grew firmer and colder. Eugeo led them ever forward, his steps a little unsure.

“If...if she does manage to get into any trouble, I'll do something about it.”

“You mean trouble like..breaking a taboo.”

“Yeah...this is my fault I should've kept my mouth shut. Then she wouldn't have run off. I'll take her and leave the village before a knight can come for her.”

“...No.”

“Huh?”

“I said no. Not on your own. I'm not letting this happen again.”

Eugeo had turned around towards Kirito, the element casting an eerie glow on his face, his eyes slightly red.

Kirito had noticed he'd been itching them. He'd stop him if he saw it happen. Maybe the other was allergic to something in the cave?

“If it comes to that...I'm coming too.”

Kirito didn't answer. He'd just told himself he wouldn't abandon Eugeo but he also couldn't turn him into a fugitive.

The swaying light glinted off of something in the distance.

“Eugeo look, ice!”

“C'mon, she has to be this way!”

Their steps quickened and eventually they came upon an open cavern. They carefully entered pausing for a moment before they heard rustling sounds.

Kirito let out a curse under his breath before he pulled them behind a large rock.

_ Goblins. _

He glanced around, spotting brown hair flowing from a wagon.

_ Selka! Shit. I don't have anything to fight with! _

Eugeos breathing had quickened as he noticed the same and Kirito could only think that Eugeo was afraid so he couldn't be. He almost felt his thoughts slow to a standstill as he looked for anything in their surroundings they could use.

_ Over there. Their weapons. They aren't holding them. _

He placed a hand on Eugeo's shoulder gripping hard to make the other look at him before he motioned to his chest, taking deep but quiet breaths. Eugeo scowled, probably annoyed at his instinctual reaction. Kirito felt him calm and released him, motioning to the weaponry in the distance.

Eugeo's eyes widened in response. Kirito whispered lowly, “It'll be fine, you don't have to attack just protect yourself.”

Eugeo didn't say anything, scared of alerting the goblins to intruders. 

 

But it was too late. 

 

There was a rustle then a yell behind him in the dark ones’ language.

 

Kirito sprung forwards, sprinting towards the goblins in the same moment that Eugeo spun around.

He saw surprise, rage,and fear mixed and spread among the group of goblins.

_ Fluctlights…? _

A sting of horror passed through Kirito. The so called...monsters had..fluctlights?

But he'd seen the fear on Eugeo's face. They protected each other's backs, Eugeo bodily ramming into the two goblins behind him as Kirito charged forwards. 

He couldn't fight real people but his body was already moving on autopilot. He'd managed to put out the fires then tossed a sword to Eugeo's feet by the light of the grass tucked to his waist. . If it was a choice between saving Eugeo and letting him be killed, there was no choice to be made.

_ I have to fight. _

Eugeo fumbled the sword, almost dropping it as he tried to lift it towards his two enemies. 

His movements made the light of the art he'd cast shine on them and they hissed, jerking backwards.

_ They're sensitive to light.  _

_ If I wave this it can cover up my crappy swordsmanship. _

He didn't spare a moment to glance towards Kirito. No sound meant he was still standing, still safe, not that Eugeo could help. He didn't even believe the other could fight that number of enemies all at once. Hell he didn't even know if Kirito had ever fought.

He jumped, almost losing his footing when the warlord let out a roar.

Eugeo guessed that Kirito couldn't keep his mouth shut. The two goblins before him had no weapons so Eugeo was merely holding them at bay. It was a different story on Kirito's side. 

He had maneuvered through the horde easily, until he came face to face with the chief.

They traded swings, Kirito could feel each slice he blocked from head to toe. His hands shook as they held up the unfamiliar blade and prepared himself. 

He lunged forward slicing so cleanly through the next attack that the goblin lost an arm. He yelled, rejecting the loss, and swung wildly at Kirito.

He went down hard as the blade sliced through tendons connecting his upper arm and shoulder. 

He'd never felt pain like this before. He wouldn't want to feel anything worse.

It wasn't the largest cut but he'd never had to endure pain like this in the real world.

_ This is real. _

The pain was undeniably just like what he'd experience if he'd been cut. He felt the chill of pain creep down his arm. He could move it.

_ This is real and I could die. _

He felt fear.

_ I could die here and I could die in real life. _

He struggled to grip his sword, his hands trembling so badly the sword clattered against the stone.

There was a shout from across the cavern.

His thoughts crawled to a stop as the goblin approached, blade raised and ready to slice him in two.

Someone was yelling in the distance.

“Kirito!”

_ Eugeo. _

His light, stolen blade shone as a swung towards the chief.

“This time-” Kirito could practically see the adrenaline coursing through Eugeo.  _ Eugeo don't “ _ I'll be the one to protect you!”

His inexperience showed as the chief swung towards his left side where he was wide open, the sword carrying him mel and mel across the cavern.

“Eugeo!” Kirito crawled to his feet.

Eugeo let out a wet sounding cough, thankfully his body still in one piece, but bleeding profusely.

Kirito pressed down on the wound, applying pressure while he could, while the chief wiped the blood -Eugeo's blood - off of his sword. He bared his teeth, enjoying the moment of victory over his prey. Savoring his kill.

He was smiling and Kirito felt his emotions begin to drip away. He wasn't giving them a chance to gather themselves, he was playing with his food. He jumped at Eugeo's weak voice.

“It's okay, Kirito. Remember?” 

Remember? The word echoed through Kirito's mind. Once Alice fell into the well. When she got out Kirito and Eugeo were in tears thinking she'd gotten hurt or worse. But then she hugged them both and then-

“We promised.”

-she told them that they'd always be together that they could never be seperate because-

“Yeah, we were born together...the same day...we'll die together too.”

Eugeo gave Kirito's arm a weak pat as if shooing him off to go fight the big bad goblin. As if he believed in him. As if he wasn't bleeding out by the  _ second. _

Kirito took a deep breath.

He felt his fear and confusion and all else but his focus and his fury float away.

He moved at the same time as the goblin. It was over before it began. 

He ducked beneath one slash, parried another and in a flash of green he held the goblins head in his hands.

He would never know what he looked like in that moment but the goblins ran before he could even look at them.

He tossed the head to the ground, fear the first feeling to return to him as he sprinted towards Selka.

“Please, please, Selka wake up.”

He gave her a light shake.

She stirred and he almost fainted from the relief. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with the both of them fatally wounded.

“Selka are you ok?”

“Yeah I- woah!”

Kirito had already picked her up and ran towards Kirito, scared Eugeo was already gone.

She gasped, “I...this is more than I can-”

“Please, please Selka.”

“We can't get back to town like this...he's okay for a few more minutes...there's…there's a sacred art I can try but I'm not very good I'm not..”

“You're not Alice! We came here to save you, not Alice, you're not her you idiot!”

Selka was taken aback at the uncharacteristic insult but soldiered onwards, reluctant to waste even a second.

“This art could kill. I'd need to transfer your Life to him.”l...We could all die, Kirito. I would do it on my own if I could..”

Kirito gently took her hand.

“Make it so I'm the only one who dies then.”

_ This is real. This is real. I can't let Eugeo die. He has to live. _

Selka throws him a shaky smile before throwing out a string of unintelligible words.

“Transfer unit durability right to left.”

Kirito gasped as he felt an immediate weakness. Right. He had gotten hurt earlier.

His gaze grew glassy as he tried to look at Eugeo. His wound was healing. His breath was evening.

“Kirito,” Selka sounded strained, “we can stop here..”

Eugeo was still bleeding, “No...give...Eugeo more. I'm okay.”

He felt a touch of light wind, the smell of roses.

_ -I'm waiting. I'll always be waiting.- _

Kirito couldn't even ask who or what he was hearing.

- _ At the very top of the cathedral. Kirito. Eugeo.- _

“.  ...a.  .l..lice…”

“Kirito?”

The wind blew and Kirito felt himself falling forward.

  
  


Kirito thought life in the Underworld felt like a dream. But when he'd heard that girl's voice he took it all back. 

He mumbled her name - Alice - as he came to.

He felt disoriented, his head felt like it was being beaten with a rock. Repeatedly.

He tried to sit up.

_ Mistake. _

“Stay down!” He winced at the loud noise. The voice was quieter, “Why didn't you tell me you were injured?”

Kirito spoke as quietly as he could, so quietly that Selka had to lean over the both of them to hear.

“I forgot I…”

_ The both of _ -

“Eugeo?! Is he-” Kirito winced as pain assaulted him.

There was a hand on his back, “Shh, relax, just turn to your right.”

And there was Eugeo, looking sick, and in need of at least a day of rest, but awake, and alive.

He was staring at him, some kind of awe in his eyes and Kirito's stomach twisted at the sight of it, but his words afterwards, “You're alive...I was so scared.”

Kirito wanted to yell at him.  _ He _ was scared? He'd almost gotten cut in two. But the relief he felt was so much that he didn't know how to handle it. His head hurt too much to think. Selka continued to rub his back, a soothing distraction to the pain. 

“I can't heal you quite yet. I need Sol's help if I want to cast anything that won't kill you.”

_ So we have to get out of this cave under our own power.. _

Eugeo still hadn't stopped staring at him. Kirito couldn't deal with that quite yet. 

“Okay.”

He would get them moving soon. But for the moment Kirito chose to throw an arm over his eyes to block the light.

 

Eventually they got moving. None of them were strong enough to help move the other so they stayed close as they made their way out of the caverns. 

Eugeo had never been happier to see sunlight.

He felt like he had been in a nightmare and he was being dragged awake.

The sun was harsh on his cheeks and stung his eyes but he welcomed the pain.

Their remaining injuries were not severe but the boys were beyond exhausted. And once Selka healed them, even she began to drag her feet.

It took them hours to get back to the church once they put Eugeo safely into his bed.

Kirito was almost too tired to conceal his anger when they arrived to dimmed lights and a sleeping family.

Eugeo didn’t make any comment on it and bid them goodnight and said they should all sleep in.

The magic of...well the magic of sacred arts was...injuries did not last. They lost energy in the end, but even that would recover with rest.

Kirito, however, felt like he was going to throw up from the pounding in his head, and Selka didn’t seem to be faring any better.

He didn’t remember the rest of the walk home and ended up disoriented, seated on Selka’s bed, with a hand pressed to his forehead.

_ Fever? _

He assumed she couldn't heal this. Not at night. He remembered protesting his sleeping location before being pushed bodily into the bed.

He was out before his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight scenes are hard. Humor is hard. But I've been editing this for days and I haven't been able to make myself any happier. I feel much better about how I started the next chapter so hopefully that will be enjoyed more!


	5. Cat's Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gem of clarity, helps with mental wellness and brain health.
> 
> warnings: two instances of internalized homophobia

There was a hand in Kirito's hair as he woke up and sunlight brushed his cheeks. He felt relaxed and at ease for the first time in months. The hand moved from his hair to check his forehead. Had he been sick last night? Maybe he would cook breakfast this morning as thanks for taking care of him. He hadn't gotten sick in a while, he used to get sick a lot when he was younger. He felt alright now though.

His voice was rough from sleep, “Sugu…?”

“Who…? Kirito, are you awake?”

Kirito forced his eyes open.

“....Selka…”

“Oh, thank goodness,” her hand moved from Kirito's forehead to his shoulder,  her head hung low in relief, “Don't ever do that to me again.”

He still felt oddly weak, he didn't try to sit up.

“Eugeo…?”

“.. you don't remember? He was fine, but you...overreacted and made sure he was home before you'd let us take care of you.”

“He's okay?”

Selka quickly realized her scolding wasn't getting through to him. She leaned forward forcing him to look at her, his eyes glassy.

“He's _fine_ , you stupid boy. Ah - oh no,” There was a pause, “Please don't cry, everything's okay, you saved him. Eugeo's fine. You saved us.”

Kirito then noticed the wetness running down his cheeks and quickly ducked under the covers.

“I'm not crying.”

“Weren't you the one that said it's better to?”

“At my age….it's still embarrassing.”

Kirito furiously rubbed at his face as he sat up. trying to will the tears to stop. The motion made him feel a bit faint but he swore he wasn't going to have a random breakdown in front of his friends again. He wasn't even upset, everything was fine.

The door burst open, admitting a red faced Eugeo. He looked like he'd ran up the stairs.

“Ah, Eugeo...morning,” Kirito said awkwardly and Selka gave him a look that Eugeo couldn't see before she spun around.

“Morning Eugeo, how are you feeling?”

“Good...morning,” Eugeo tried in vain to catch his breath, there were a lot of stairs in the church, “I heard...Kirito was still sick?”

Eugeo seemed to ignore the evidence of Kirito's crying, respecting the space he was trying to create for the moment.

“I'm fine!” Kirito moved to get up.

Selka stopped him with a hand and a serious expression, “Slowly.”

He acquiesced with a small frown. Eugeo was quiet as Selka explained.

“He had a fever last night...probably from overexertion but it broke overnight. He still seems a little weak.”

“Someone...asked my parents for medicine and I thought it couldn't be for anyone but Kirito so...I asked where it was going to and they told me the church..” Eugeo was still a little breathless and Selka thought that rather than running just up the stairs, he had run all the way from home.

Kirito felt a wave of dizziness as he swung his legs off the bed.

Selka and Eugeo both shared a worried look.

“I...actually felt worse while I was laying down.”

A new voice sounded from the door.

“Help him stand, Eugeo. It will do him well to go outside.”

“Sister,” Sister Azariya smiled at Selka, seemingly happy to see her safe, “You did well, Selka, but you need rest as well.”

Kirito had to grip Eugeo as he stood a wave of dizziness hitting him as Selka supported his back. It quickly faded, but he still felt a little short of breath.

He motioned to move away and they reluctantly let go.

He smiled at them, “See? Fine.”

They both scowled angrily, mouths open but they were cut off.

“Time to eat, Selka. Eugeo, Kirito will find you in the sitting room once he gets changed.”

“Yes, Sister,” Kirito found it funny that they answered her like that. From her small smile, she did as well.

In the hallway, she stopped Kirito.

“This may seem untoward, but may I?” She made an s motion with her fingers, pulling up Kirito's Stacia window before he could answer.

She scanned it quickly but closed it before Kirito himself could make anything out.

“Come.”

Kirito followed her quietly back to his own room.

If asked he wouldn't be able to repeat the art she used.

It was over as quickly as the Stacia window.

“Kirito...be careful. I cannot see what it is, but you show signs of extreme weakness, and not just from overexertion like Selka thought. I cannot tell what it is and won't be able to unless it happens again. And I hope it doesn't.”

She sighed.

“Sister, I'm s-”

“Don't. You brought Selka _home._ I was so scared that...that it would be Alice all over again. But she is not her sister. An obvious,but rather overlooked, fact.”

Kirito fell quiet.

“Please. Please be careful. Don't fight anything again. Don't overdo it at work this week. Make sure you come _home._ ”

Kirito swallowed thickly as he lied, “Okay, Sister...I...I'll be careful.”

He couldn't guarantee anything. He would do what he'd done yesterday and more if it meant Eugeo would be safe.

And then she enveloped him in a hug that reminded him of home, “Thank you.”

  
  


Kirito thought that maybe his body wasn’t quite as healthy as his fluctlight.

  
  


Kirito found Eugeo disgustingly comfortable in the sitting room, almost asleep in the arm chair, a cat lounging in his lap.

He walked over and stared at him for a moment, admiring the peaceful expression on his face before sticking a finger in his ear.

Eugeo let out a sound too quiet to be a scream as the cat dug her claws in before leaping from his lap.

“Kirito!”

“What? I thought you were asleep.”

“That...does not make that remotely better. Are you a child? Ugh.”

“Wanna go to the bakery?”

“Always thinking with your stomach. Yeah, sure, they should be open by now.”

Kirito was surprised to find he did not feel even the slightest bit hungry after their adventures. Maybe he was sick? He decided not to voice the feeling. Perhaps the nausea would fade by the time food was placed before him.

Instead he shrugged as they headed outside.

“It is so good not to be in cave air…”

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

Eventually there was a pull on Kirito's sleeve and he glanced over to see Eugeo holding on to him.

“Um-”

“I was so scared...when I woke up..”

Kirito stopped walking.

“I thought you'd died. You'd been coughing up blood did you know that?”

He shook his head, afraid to upset Eugeo.

“I...I thought you'd died...because I ran in and because I was stupid and didn't trust you..that you knew how to fight and...I thought you'd _died for me.._ ”

Eugeo's voice cracked at the end of the sentence. Kirito didn't know what to say. He _would_ die for Eugeo. Over and over if it protected him.

Instead he twisted his hand to grab Eugeo's.

“I thought I'd killed you...because I wasn't fast enough again.”

“You...you saved me Eugeo. You distracted him long enough for me to stop...freaking out. Even though I was trying to protect you, you ended up saving me.”

Kirito saw Eugeo's usual frustration with himself building.

“I'm fine, see?”

“You're pale.”

“Eh?”

“You're still pale and you were barely able to sit up before. And you were crying. You don't do that.”

“Well...I do just..”

“Just not in front of me?”

“...”

“We're friends right? You don't have to...impress me.”

Kirito thought of the look of awe he thought he'd seen on Eugeo's face when he woke up and mentally adjusted it to relief, mirroring his own.

He didn't know how to deal with that. With being cared about like that.

He gently let Eugeo's hand go and walked away.

“Wow...he is embarrassed..” Eugeo mumbled to himself, unheard by Kirito.

Kirito turned towards him, “I wasn't trying to impress you. I was trying to impress Selka.”

“Well, now I'm _un_ impressed.”

“Ugh.”

“Seriously though.”

“Okay! Okay...I won't do it again. I really wasn't trying to hide from you I don't know why I did...I just was so relieved I wasn't gonna be…”

Kirito could think of lots of words. Himself. How he was back in SAO, losing himself after every dangerous fight. Scared. Lonely.

“wasn't going to be…?”

He was next to mumble, hoping Eugeo wouldn't hear, “I was scared I was gonna be alone again.”

_Oh.._

Eugeo didn't make him talk after that.

They walked in a silence much more comfortable than before, Kirito done thinking about his existence for the day, and Eugeo's thoughts going a mile a minute.

He couldn't stop thinking about the day before, about how close they had come to another tragedy in those mountains. His best friend had almost died and he didn't do anything except get himself injured.

He didn't understand what he'd meant by his own words. Why he remembered them being together as children. He'd just met Kirito mere months ago. Why had Kirito woken up with Alice’s name on his lips?

Regardless, he'd almost gotten him killed with his recklessness. It was all fine for him to think he'd do anything for him. They were friends, he'd probably do the same for anyone. He had done the same for Selka. (But not Alice he'd failed there-)

“Eugeo, do you have allergies?”

“Alle-huh?”

“You keep rubbing your eyes. Is it all the flowers blooming?”

“Oh no I…” he trailed off as he realized his hand had been rubbing at his eye. What was with that? He hadn't noticed until Kirito pointed it out but maybe he should get that checked, “I'm not allergic to anything…”

“Hmm… your eye is a little red..”

“I'll go wash my face..”

“Okay.”

Kirito sounded worried as he trailed behind and Eugeo scolded himself for that. What would have happened if they'd had to run from the Integrity Knights? If Selka had committed a taboo? He would've gone with them but probably as another thing to take care of.

He'd always been a coward. But he thought with Kirito around, he could do better. He would do better for him.

He winced and found his hands on his face again. This time with blood on them.

“Eugeo?”

“Sorry Kirito, um actually..”

“Shit, ok that is blood, do you feel ok?”

Eugeo didn't look at him as he washed his face off. There was no more blood.

“Yeah..it doesn't hurt or anything.”

“You think it's from...yesterday?”

Eugeo thought about it, nothing had hit his face...aside from his entire head when he hit the ground. And Kirito had mentioned that he had noticed him rubbing at his eyes a lot. His mind flashed to the disease that had plagued Rulid not too long ago and he felt a flash of fear but...no there had been no symptoms affecting people's eyes.

“Maybe,” he responded unsurely, “I'll go see someone if it happens again.”

Kirito frowned, worried, “Have the Sister look at you today?”

“...Yeah, okay.”

His mind wandered to fairy tales and legends of those touched by Vector as they entered the bakery. They needed to at least eat before they headed back.

If Kirito was a lost child then was he one of the Touched? Was he straying from Stacia? He never thought so, he upheld her teachings as anyone would. He never broke any rules. Was it because he had been spending time with Kirito? Kirito didn't know any of the teachings, laws, or Taboos when he first arrived. But Kirito...was good. He never purposely did any wrong so there was no way Kirito had anything to do it. Had Eugeo done something?

Eugeo distractedly took a bite of his pot pie and glanced at Kirito as he took a bite of his own.

Kirito had surprisingly long eyelashes and a softly curved face unlike those of the other men in the village.

His hair was soft to the touch and sometimes Eugeo wanted to ruffle it to irritate him and just to touch. His form was slender but he carried himself with confidence even if sometimes Eugeo could glance past that and see he wasn't usually anything of the sort.

His hands were surprisingly unmarred by their work and spoke to a prior toughness born of some sort of training.

He was attractive and had won over the hearts of most of the older women in town. Eugeo was sure if he ever asked he could stay in a house instead of the church but he was rather reserved about things like that.

A lot like Alice was.

He treated Eugeo like an equal. Just like Alice did.

Eugeo found himself staring at Kirito the same way he used to look at Alice, except he was a fair deal older now.

_Oh...oh no. Oh no. Oh no._

Eugeo found his throat go dry as Kirito spoke, he felt disgust well up as well as the feeling that he wanted to hold Kirito to prove to himself the other was still alive.

“Are you feeling any better Eugeo?”

_Oh..._

Concern. Eugeo quickly adjusted himself. What was this feeling? He wasn't doing anything. Therefore he wasn't wrong. There was nothing wrong with thinking about his best friend the same way the other boys thought of their female friends.

“Yeah...I'm okay.”

“Good. We'll walk back after this and get you checked out.”

Eugeo felt something in him relax. He hadn't broken any taboos, any teachings,  and he wouldn't.

“Hey… thanks Kirito.”

“Huh?”

But nothing would change how he felt, that he wanted to protect Kirito, that he valued him.

“Just… thank you. For everything. For being alive. For saving me.”

“Um...anytime?”

Eugeo laughed, feeling a strange sense of relief under his bubbling panic and under his thin sense of safety after the events of the day before. His internal conflict felt like nothing.

“Come on, let's head back. You still look pale.”

“We're going back to get _you_ looked at, I'm fine!”

“Uh huh, okay.”

“Eugeo!”

  


The two took their time walking back. They had been joking but Kirito really was worried that something was wrong with Eugeo, and the weakness he'd felt that morning had dissipated into nothing the longer he was up and active.

He would tell Sister himself if he ended up being shy about going to her with this.

Day after day, Kirito found Eugeo to be similar to a cat. Quick to hide his pain.

That was the reason why he tried not to show his pain to Eugeo that morning, he didn't want him to take on anything else. He needed to take care of himself.

Sure he was embarrassed, the last time he'd lost track of himself like he had in the past day had been back when he'd first met Sinon, when he realized ghosts of SAO had followed him to the other side.

And before that it had been when he'd broken down in front of Sugu,and he'd definitely felt terrible then.

He'd sworn this life that he'd be different but he was still the same.

He sighed as he sat near the well, basking in Sol's dwindling light.

As he closed his eyes he felt like he could almost hear the ambient noise of Aincrad, like any second Yui would come and tell him he was late and that Asuna would be upset.

They felt so far away. He wondered how long it had been for them since he was put to sleep.

  


Eugeo was silent as he was looked over.

“Hmm...there's nothing wrong my boy..”

“...”

“What is it? You seem like you have an idea of what it could be.”

“I…”

Eugeo's voice caught in his throat, he couldn't tell her. He didn't trust her. He didn't trust anyone with this.

“Did I break a Taboo I didn't know about?”

Sister Azariya was quiet, her thoughts suddenly racing. Her mind jumped to the fairy tales they used to scared children at the cities. The seal of the right eye and how naughty children would lose half their sight if they rebelled.

“No..you...you've always been such a good child there's no..”

_No, there is one…something that should have never been proclaimed wrong._

Eugeo looked relieved, happier to have his pain be a mystery at the moment.

She had been watching Kirito carefully. Even having lost all his knowledge of Stacia's teachings, he hadn't broken a single taboo and no rules were broken intentionally. At least not that she could see. And if they were...they were harmless things.

She had seen Eugeo happier than he had ever been...even when Alice was there.

He could see Selka's talents finally finally blooming.

Kirito was a good person.

_Forgive me, Eugeo. Your love is going to hurt you terribly._

“There's no taboo or rule I've ever seen you break, little one. We shall have to pay attention to the eye of yours from now on.”

Relief and disappointment.

He left and the nun had to sit down. What had she done? Had she condoned a taboo? She didn't believe Eugeo would pursue the feelings further but...his eye and the building pain that was happening more and more often?

It was proof that his thoughts were straying. She had...stretched her seal, so to say, long ago, but never managed to break it. If there was a chance he'd be free to think beyond them she wanted him to have it. She never saw the reasoning behind many of the laws the church upheld.

Back when she was a student she had tried so very hard and it was not something she recommended. It made life - no - survival was difficult.

Eventually she would have to confront him but today was not the time. He wasn't ready. When he was at his lowest...when he thought he was trapped and desperate and willing to go further for what he believed...that is when she had seen success.

Otherwise he would fall back into thinking just like everyone else.

That the rules were absolute.

That there was no room for thought.

She watched as he left the church, Selka trailing behind.

Both spotted Kirito on the grass asleep. Selka looked fond but Eugeo...he looked angry. At himself.

_Oh dear.._

And then the look faded to frustration and then nothing before he went back inside without a word.

  


A few days later things seemed largely back to normal. Kirito didn't show any visible worry for Eugeo, and Eugeo seemed to be over his panic of Kirito's near death.

They worked in comfortable silence, trying to finish quickly. Kirito wanted to do sword practice later that day and Eugeo wanted to improve. He felt like he was taking too long to learn the basics. His stance would sometimes shift and he'd find himself struggling even more than he usually would to hold the sword.

Luckily Kirito would continue to correct his stance.

His teaching mantra was for Eugeo to connect with his sword. Connecting meant doing practice swings for about an hour on work days and to actually rest on days of rest.

Basically making the sword a part of you.

Which Eugeo understood...it was how he felt when he held his axe. The one thing in the world that understood him, that had understood his 6 years of loneliness and stuck with him.

The sword would be something else. Something new.

His thoughts flashed to the battle in the caves. Kirito had said he had been amazing to block a hit from that goblin. He was happy to be complimented.

His sword was to protect.

No matter what.

At some point he'd closed his eyes while swinging.

He swung the blade a final time as a familiar pain shot though his eye.

He opened them to an appreciative whistle from Kirito and the grass in front of him shaved to the dirt in an arc before him.

Eugeo started blankly at the dirt. He'd done that? He'd performed a styled swing? A startled laugh burst from him and he whipped around to say something but Kirito was already sprinting at him with a proud expression on his face before tackling him to the ground.

Kirito punched him lightly on the shoulder as Eugeo kicked him off of his lap - wasn't he scared of getting stabbed? But he realized the other had somehow removed that danger before he'd even made contact. He had so much to learn.

“That was amazing! Now do it again!”

Eugeo groaned but he was so happy to see progress. He was also happy to have Kirito praise him but he kept the thought buried far down. He felt a twinge far to the back of his eye and he had a strong feeling that Sister Azariya had been _lying._ She knew exactly what was wrong and he had been _right._

But he didn't have proof and neither did she. All he had were fairy tales and myths and his old books and she, her experience. So he trusted her for now that nothing was wrong enough that he would be in trouble and he wasn't wrong, and there wasn't anything wrong with him. He was fine.

“Eugeo?”

“Huh?”

“You zoned out for a second, are you okay?”

“Um, yeah.”

He was quiet for a moment, “Can I see your sword for a second?”

Eugeo handed it over without a thought and this time, unlike when he had requested the axe of Eugeo, he was appreciative of the show of trust. He could do anything with the sword and Eugeo wouldn't be able to stop him because he had handed it over willingly.

He could hide it deep in the forest so Eugeo would never have to fight again, would never leave the village and would never endanger himself and Kirito would keep him safe and watch him grow old.

Such thoughts rushed past Kirito and he let them, feeling serene after his release of emotion earlier in the week. Instead of acting upon any of it he lifted the sword experimentally. It felt lighter, just as he thought.

He'd killed 3 people that day he'd found out. He thought he'd only cut down the chief but according to Selka he'd also downed two other goblins in his haste. He didn't regret his actions, as they had protected his friends, but he wished there was another way and detested the loss of life.

He held the sword in a stance he hadn't shown Eugeo yet. It was closer to how one would hold a rapier but Kirito thought it should work with a weighted sword like Eugeo's.

Eugeo was definitely watching, so he wouldn't use his full strength.

He felt the weight in his hands grow heavier as the sword glowed a faint blue. As he readied his first swing he knew.

_Can’t pull this one off yet..._

The light dissipated and he almost dropped the sword.

He gingerly lifted it again to return it to its owner. Kirito smiled at Eugeo's eagerness to have it back.

“What was that?”

“I was trying out a two part slash but...well, no good. I guess I need my own sword.”

Eugeo frowned a little, “They aren't the easiest things in the world to come by. You either need the materials or the money to have someone gather and forge one for you.”

Kirito sighed, “I am definitely low on both.”

Eugeo suddenly hid the sword behind the cedar.

“Eu-”

Kirito stopped himself at the almost annoyed look on the other's face as rustling was soon heard and Jink stepped smoothly through the bushes.

“Oh. Kirito, Eugeo. Good afternoon.”

Their responses were quiet and lackluster.

“I don't even know why I came this way, meant to take the other route back to town. Must have gotten mixed up.”

They all knew he was lying. There was no way to mix up the routes since one lead directly back, while where they were was a winding long path. Neither path crossed. Also Jink _patrolled_ , he had to know every route.

Kirito opened his mouth to say just that before Eugeo interrupted, politely attempting to get Jink to leave, “Would you like something to drink before you continue back to Rulid?”

And just as politely, “No thank you. You seem to be working rather,” he eyed the abandoned axe and the blanket that served as their lunch area,  “hard. I wouldn't want to deprive you of hydration when you might need it later.”

Eugeo wasn't showing it but Kirito saw his irritation clear as day in the small smile he gave Jink. He tended not to smile, he was more likely to laugh when he was happy. Smiles were special and Kirito was starting to find himself annoyed that Jink had managed to get it to show itself in such a twisted manner.

The irritation reminded him of Asuna's smiles when she was going to fight someone and _win_ and suddenly he realized there was a sword nearby and maybe he should step in quickly-

“Jink I need your help with something-”

“Wait-”

Eugeo verbally bulldozed over Kirito, “We worked rather quickly today and were taking a break before doing some extra swings at the Gigas here and,” he reached behind the tree, drawing forth not the blue sword but their wooden training sword, “I was just practicing with this to see if it helps build muscle. It would make each swing at this tree much more impactful if I were a bit stronger.”

_Oh. Smart. Maybe he's not just being angry. If he were to continue walking and looking with how nosy he was, he would have seen the sword and wanted to take it. This makes him think he made us show him what we were actually doing._

“Where did you get that? Did you _take_ it from the field or…”

Eugeo's face was red with offense, “I would never steal!”

“True, we'd know right away in any case …”

His eyes drifted towards Kirito.

“Ah…” Eugeo stiffened, “Your _partner_ made it, then?”

Kirito had made it on a day of rest but...something about the way Jink spoke made Kirito uneasy. “Kirito made it, yes.” And if he thought Eugeo was irritated before then he was cold with fury now.

Kirito was uneasy but he stayed quiet, he'd noticed the people of the Underworld were relatively docile, with much less inclination towards fighting than the residents on the other side.

“Of course he'd make you, of all people, something like that.”

But he'd seen this cold anger before. Underneath the distaste Eugeo kept well hidden for himself, for the knights of the central, and for losing Alice, there was...this.

“......me…? Of all people?”

Jink seemed to unconsciously sense danger, his hand resting on the hilt on his sword, but he trudged foolishly onwards.

“No offense, Kirito,” Kirito didn't care what the oaf had to say but for Eugeo's (and Jink's) sake he dreaded his next words, “Looks like you should be careful around this one.”

“...what?” His soft question was ignored.

“I've been paying attention to Eugeo here. Really toeing the line of the law here aren't you?”

“What are you implying, Jink?”

“Nothing. There's nothing against the rules about hanging out with your _buddy_ here once you've finished work for the day. And there's nothing weird about spending _all_ your time together either.”

Kirito suddenly realized what Jink was implying. By pure force of will he didn't show a reaction. And Eugeo hadn't moved.

 

_Typical, of course he assumes we're dating or something. Of course he is a bigot. I hope Eugeo doesn't take this latest bout of bullying too badly...I know he definitely had a crush on Alice. There's no way he's moved on.._

 

“And there's nothing wrong with wanting to try out swords to improve yourself. Lucky for you, I was on my way to train a couple of newbies. I could give you a few pointers if you want to spar.”

Kirito thought Eugeo wouldn't accept. There was no merit to the battle, just Jink wanting to show he was superior and once again, for no reason, put down Eugeo.

“...Sure, why not?”

The closest Kirito had seen Eugeo to being this angry was when Kirito had chosen his Calling. This seemed different. The black haired swordsman also felt he was missing a part of the conversation. He would talk to Selka later.

Jink set his blade to the side and drew a wooden sword from his pack.

Kirito stepped to the side, “To first hit only.”

The two nodded as the paced away from each other. Jink overconfident, amd Eugeo's movements a little stiff.

Kirito waited for them to be a safe few mel apart before signaling the start.

Eugeo stood, ready, calming his breathing and relaxing. When had Jink been following him? What had he noticed? Sister _said_ he hadn't broken any rules so-

He quickly side stepped a jab aimed for his shoulder and then hopped backwards to avoid a slash towards his stomach.

He finally raised his sword to parry a third attack and then spun to add momentum as he gave a swing back.

His fury that he'd been keeping down, because it wasn't worth it, and he would give himself away to Jink, he must know that he _likes Kirito-_

And just as the thought of his true feelings passed through his mind his sword made contact with Jink's so hard that they fell to the grass, Eugeo's sword pressing towards Jink's throat, and one knee pressing his other arm to the grass.

They were both breathing heavily but Eugeo wouldn't let up. In that one moment he wanted to hurt Jink, for all the hate he'd thrown at him over the year, for how he made sure no one ever befriended him, for being a constant thorn in his side.

And then he spotted a familiar emotion in the other's face.

Jink was still just jealous, just lashing out as usual. It wally wasn't like him to get worked up like this. Jink...was just as lost as he was, in a way. He was just in a better Calling for it. Kirito was staring at him, eyes wide in surprise and worry, looking unsure of whether to stop the fight as neither had actually won.

Eugeo refused to show Kirito his bad sides. Not like this at least.

He relaxed, loosening the pin he had on Jink and for the first time in what was probably a decade, he honestly smiled at Jink.

“That's enough right? I probably just got a lucky hit just now..”

Jink looked like he'd been hit with a truck and didn't try to fight Eugeo further.

Eugeo got off of him and extended a hand to help him up.

There was an almost significant pause as Kirito watched him take Eugeo's offer.

Kirito scowled as Jink held on longer than he needed to.

“You're stronger than you look!”

Jink laughed and both were surprised. They shared a quick glance as if to ask ‘what is up with this guy?’ but before they knew it he had his things in his arms again.

“You two should really join in the group training sometime. It'd be fun!”

He stopped before walking too far from Eugeo and spoke lowly enough that Kirito couldn’t hear, words and tone betraying his earlier comments, “I meant what I said before though… there really is nothing wrong with it. I always did want to be friends you know? Even back then.”

“Eh? Jink?”

He scratched at his hair, a little frustrated, “I know how I am. Kind of an asshooe but in this case… well, you know where to find me.”

And the sudden return of his bullying and the following and the almost dangerous comments all took on a new light to Eugeo. He was trying to get him to talk to him. A rather roundabout, silly way, of doing it. But he was trying. He just couldn't shake old habits.

Wait but if he wanted to talk then..

He's… liked a boy before?

Eugeo watched him walk away as Kirito jogged over to him, scowling after the other boy.

Kirito turned towards him, again with that proud look. Eugeo had caused that _twice_ today and he felt his heart skip a beat.

And then Kirito was fixing his tunic for him and smoothing his hair down from its windblown mess and Eugeo couldn't stand it.

He couldn't do this anymore. He never was good at hiding things anyway. He was surprised he hadn't blurted out that he liked Kirito the moment he realized it.

“Kirito...kirito please...please just...go read Rulid's rules and the Taboo Index one more time…”

“Huh?”

“Do you remember your friends from before? Your best friend? Were you normally this close?” He assumed Kirito wouldn't answer. But he did quickly remove his hands from Eugeo.

“I don't think I've ever had a best friend,” Eugeo was surprised because even Kirito sounded unsure about that one.

They were standing too close though and Eugeo couldn't think about anything except how he wanted to hug Kirito and get the lonely look off of his face and _if this is how he'd been acting for the past few months of course Jink noticed._

He restrained himself.

“Kirito. Go home and read and then talk to the Sister. Explain to her in detail what happened today.”

Kirito gave him a puzzled frown in response before agreeing to do so.

 

That night he borrowed a copy of the Rulid lawbook from the church's library and read.

There was a lot about how much work one was allowed to do, family monetary contributions, farming locations. Where children could play. Romance.

_Eh? There's rules on this of all things?_

_No touching of lips before marriage… well that's archaic. No pursuing those of the same gender. Wait...oh._

Kirito wasn't shy about his identity. Quiet maybe but.. well he and Asuna had been through it all, talked about it all, especially after Yuuki. She still loved Kirito and they were still together but they were free to pursue others. It was a way of learning about each other as well.

They got to see how the other was with people other than each other. Plus Asuna loved girls, Kirito just happened to be a huge exception to that.

And Kirito was just...quietly in love with people. He'd always had trouble connecting but he was fast to fall for people's charms.

He knew this.

And he wasn't the type to hide when he cared. And he hadn't hidden that at all with Eugeo. Did everyone know Kirito was one big gay mess? He had probably made things very difficult for the other. That explained all Selka's jokes but not why she was so carefree about it. Did Azariya know? He was glad he wasn't actively pursuing Eugeo because of his thing with Alice.

But wait.

_Earlier today when I was being touchy again with Eugeo._

_I doubt he knows how I think about him but...oh..he was…no Eugeo couldn’t possibly like me with...with all these laws in place? He could get in so much trouble...but what else could he have been implying?_

Azariya walked into his room minutes later to check on him as she had been since the incident.

Before she could declare him healthy enough to sleep, he blurted out, “Do you think Eugeo likes me? He told me to talk to you, maybe I'm reading this all wrong...isn't this.. _illegal?”_

It was silent as Kirito realized what he’d said aloud before she burst out laughing, “Oh my, he does work fast doesn't he?”

“Sister! He told me to talk to you..”

“And he found out my lie as well! Well how do you feel about him Kirito?”

“I…”

“If the look on your face is any indicator, I'd say you do as well.”

Kirito refused to answer.

“Tell me Kirito, does your eye hurt when you think of him?”

“My….eye? No.”

“...Answer me then, truthfully. Do you like him?”

Kirito gave the smallest nod.

“Then perhaps...you have no seal to break.”

“Seal?”

“Eugeo will talk to you when he's ready. The seal is...it is a way of thought that we all have. It is also a sacred barrier located in one’s eye. Some will test its boundaries, and some will break them. Those who break them are usually bad and those who do not are usually good people but Eugeo...I believe he will be one of the rare good people to break it and rebel from the hole this society had dug itself into. What he needs from you right now is acceptance,” she laughs lightly, “And I have seen how supportive a friend you are with Selka. All will be well.”

“...okay.”

Azariya thought Kirito looked as small as she surely must have when she was younger so she couldn't help herself when she enveloped him in a hug.

Her latest adoptee was a very tactile person so she was happy to see him looking a bit happier when she released him.

“Sleep well, Kirito. I will come check on you in the morning.”

Kirito dreamt of blue skies and golden hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two unhealthy, maybe not so dense, boys. And soon, one very smart girl. I mentioned Yuuki and got sad, should I include the tag for Asuna and Yuuki as well?


	6. The sound of blowing wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never said who anyone was dreaming about.

They had ended up doing three weeks worth of work in the past week and Eugeo's family had requested he help with their farming so the two didn't see each other the following day. In short, the two lumbermen were on vacation.

Kirito felt like his mind was racing the entire first day with thoughts of laws, of marriage, of human rights, of history and the development of the Underworld.

But mostly he wanted to talk to Eugeo, to tell him everything. The secret of the world they were in.

He knew he couldn't, so he spent half the day laying in bed, and had skipped breakfast and lunch.

 At first Kirito drove himself into a creeping anxiety, wondering how Eugeo would handle knowing he wasn't from the same world as him. If he knew what type of person he really was. But then he grew tired of being in his own head and wondered if he should go see his friend in the morning. Every time his family was brought up Kirito felt uneasy.

By the time Kirito got up, the sun had already made its determined and unstoppable descent towards the land. 

He sat up, feeling light headed, but felt he should help prepare dinner since he'd done nothing else for the day.

The unease he felt got worse at the idea of approaching any other people but just like with any other problem he faced, he resolved to ignore it until he couldn't anymore.

"Ah, Kirito…" Azariya gave him a long look before marching him into the kitchen and silently passing him a potato. He peeled it wordlessly.

They continued in that fashion with every ingredient necessary and before long prep was done and all that was left was to wait. He was sent to prepare the table and to sit.

He made the mistake of setting the table too quickly, leaving him plenty of time for his thoughts to drift back to Eugeo.

The idea of how much Eugeo liked him hadn't sunk in and the other boy hadn't explicitly admitted to a crush but...he definitely had admitted to liking him more than just friends normally do.

And thinking about it, Kirito had never gotten that close to anyone the way he had with Asuna.

He was close to Asuna but in the way that he trusted her and felt comfortable talking to her. He got anxious being too much  _ himself  _ and tried to be...bearable around her.

He was more himself, more transparent with Sugu, but he found there were many topics he just didn't want to bring up with her. She was his  _ sister. _

With Eugeo...he'd find himself irritated at himself for not censoring his past behavior, for being too unfiltered, for speaking his thoughts as they filtered through his head, who would even want to hear that? He must get annoying. He was impulsive, did whatever came to mind. Annoying. 

He jumped as a pot of spiced, delicious smelling stew was placed on the counter in front of him.

The students began to filter in and he tried to look alert. From the look Selka gave him, he was quite certain he hadn't succeeded.

He felt like he was in the way.

He ate quickly, but not too quickly before quietly excusing himself and retreating to the fields.

He leaned against the fence staring into the sky. He could almost hear the strong voice that had called to him in the mountains. 

"Kirito?"

He jumped again, masking it by turning gently towards the voice. 

"Hey Selka."

"You okay?"

He takes a moment to consider the question, "Yeah, just… thinking," Selka squints at him, "A bunch."

Selka makes a neutral noise, "Have you seen Eugeo recently?"

"No, not since our last day of work, why?"

If Selka wanted his full attention, she had it, in his intense gaze pinning her in place.

"No reason...I just worry when I don't at least see his face for more than a day."

Kirito's gaze turned a bit shrewd and a bit something else and she quickly continued, "Ah! That sounded creepy! It's just…"

"Just?"

She said the last part quietly enough so no one wandering outside could hear. Her words were only for Kirito, for he was probably the only one who would understand, "..I don't like his family."

Kirito is silent.

It's quiet as a light breeze shakes the tree tops, letting loose stray fireflies to compliment the clear night sky.

The two sigh almost at the same time, then laugh, not really finding it funny.

"We can go visit him in the morning? This is the most days of rest we've had in a row...well ever for me. Maybe he's actually resting?"

They agreed to meet a little later in the morning, giving Eugeo some time to sleep in and Selka and Kirito the time to get up and get the most urgent household chores done.

They took the twenty minute walk to Eugeo's home in comfortable silence, both happy to be outside and doing something.

They arrived to find the home empty.

They shared a glance before turning towards the farmland.

Selka was surprisingly quiet as they neared the fields. She motioned to Kirito to do the same.

Eugeo seemed to be pulling the weeds. A normally taxing task made worse by the unforgiving sun and the sheer amount of weeds.

"Hurry up! We have to have this done by afternoon!"

His brother.

Eugeo looked pale as he quite violently pulled the next weed, almost damaging the nearby growth. He seemed to be channelling his discontent into his actions, but another voice rang out.

"I swear to Stacia, you can't do anything commendable, so at least pull the weeds  _ properly _ ."

Selka heard a sharp intake of breath from Kirito but her rage was so sharp and sudden that she couldn't even look away from her friend's mother. She was to the side, writing something down, probably noting their net gain.

The vegetable fields looked  _ impeccable  _ which was probably thanks to Eugeo.

Eugeo who performed his Calling more flawlessly than anyone else in the village.

Eugeo who worked through sickness.

Eugeo who gave  _ all his earnings  _ to this family.

Eugeo who sometimes wouldn't eat because he didn't have enough money for himself.

Eugeo.

She heard Kirito about to say something he probably should, Selka cut him off, "Eugeo!" She called across the field. She could almost feel the shock and relief on his face. He probably hadn't had a break at all. He'd probably been passing out, hungry, every evening after he got home from helping his family's work.

"Selka…?"

"Sister Azariya was looking for you!"

"H-huh? But I-"

She said it because she knew what his mother would do.

"What did you  _ do?" _

"Nothing ma'am! She just asked to see him regarding a studious matter!"

She gave a small harrumph noise that she never expected to hear outside of her imagination, creating voices for villains from her fairy tales.

"Can't be helped then, seems you are doing something then. Off you go." Her expression was one of reluctant impress.

"Yes ma'am."

Kirito's fists were clenched and she agreed, she wanted to fight, to yell but she didn't want to give his family any more made up excuses to hurt Eugeo.

She gently shuffled closer to Kirito to place a hand over his left until he relaxes. He turns around, his voice rougher than she's ever heard, in his anger, "I'll wait by the fence."

All Kirito could think was, if his family acted like that in front of others, then how did they treat Eugeo when they were alone?

The walk back to Eugeo's house for him to change his clothes was quiet, and the walk back to the church even quieter until halfway through Eugeo's steps slow until he's shuffling behind them.

Selka and Eugeo gave him a small moment to himself before they turned towards him. They felt their hearts crack a little bit at the tears dripping down his cheeks. He made no noise at all as he furiously wiped his face with his hands, embarrassed, frustrated, probably unsure why he was crying in the first place. He was shaking and he kept walking so Selka and Eugeo quietly fell to either side of him.

All either of them could think of was how they'd casually just left him there every day of rest and for the last few days straight, listening to them, and feeling completely alone. There was no way he didn't feel lonely, judging by the surprise on his face when Selka called for him.

Selka looped an arm through his own, gently pulling his hand from his face. He let out a choked noise as Kirito placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. Kirito ignored the brief wave of weakness he felt from all the walking they'd done to focus on his friend. He didn't respond physically, hanging loosely in their grasp, instead he decided to speak.

"D-did I do something wrong?" his voice quieter than they'd ever heard, "Did I...disappoint them?"

"No, Eugeo, you didn't do anything wrong."

Kirito's voice was neutral and soft but looking at his face, Selka felt the smallest tendril of fear.

"I always gave them my earnings," Eugeo went on as though Kirito hadn't spoken and Selka's grip on him tightened, hugging his arm to herself, "I was sad I didn't get to go have fun sometimes but they needed it for the farm to be successful,"

"They don't," Kirito interjected but he went on.

"They told me if Stacia didn't think so badly of me to give me such a pointless Calling, I would have had the farm, so the least I can do is help."

Kirito stopped talking, outraged enough he didn't know what to say to that statement.

"They told me they always left me alone all the time because they were waiting for me to earn their time, to do something with myself, anything."

Selka couldn't help but try to stop him. What he was saying hurt them but it was probably hurting Eugeo too much to say out loud and she wasn't sure if it would be good for him at the moment. .

"I tried really hard…"

Eugeo's crying had slowed as quickly as it came, but didn't cease and the air between the three of them was tense.

Kirito stopped the three of them, tugging Eugeo to look at him, he placed both his hands on Eugeo's shoulders, leaning forward a little, "You don't have to try. Not for them."

"But.."

Kirito knew it would take a while possibly months, even years for his friend to work through this.

"You don't. You have us. We're your family. You don't have to go back, you can have my bed. You can have my room. You don't have to worry about what you'll eat I have plenty saved."

Eugeo's face was getting progressively more alarmed and red and Selka didn’t think he’d ever had anyone talk to him like this. She definitely hadn’t.

"You don't have to do everything. You actually don't have to do anything, I'll do your share of the chores. Ms. Azariya will let you stay, no question about it."

Selka felt she was not meant to be a part of this very one sided conversation.

"I.."

"If she doesn't then I'll run errands, I'll work for the farmers at night, I'll build us a house. If you don't want to stay I'll leave the village with you."

Both Selka and Eugeo made high questioning sounds at the final statement, that would be abandoning  _ both  _ their callings. It would be Taboo.

"I'd get a horse, we'd come back once a week and chop our quota and leave. You won't have to see or do anything you don't want to  _ ever again." _

Selka shivered at the rage she heard in Kirito's voice at the end of the statement and Eugeo was statue still under her arm.

He let out a noise that she assumed was Kirito's name.

"Whatever you decide to want, to do, Eugeo, I'll stick with you."

Kirito didn't look away and all Selka could think was that Eugeo wasn't going to answer and his words sounded very convincing and strongly worded and awfully like a confession but it  _ wasn't it was more in a way and crap I am intruding. _

She tried to wiggle her arm out from Eugeos but to no avail. His grip went from slack to iron and there was a sort of wide eyed panic, disbelief, embarrassment, desperation and almost painful longing haphazardly mixed onto his face. His cheeks are wet, stray tears still dripping from his eyes. 

Kirito slid his hands across Eugeo's shoulders before letting him go. Eugeo jumped at the motion, making Selka do the same. She was starting to feel a sort of second hand awe and embarrassment at the look on Kirito's face. 

"Let's go inside, yeah?"

Eugeo makes another bewildered noise as he nods. As Kirito turned around, Selka met Eugeo's eyes. Eugeo looked overwhelmed. 

The look didn't go away until he was bundled into bed, Kirito excusing himself to go wash his face.

She still didn't like the look on his face, the anxiety and now the anger mixed in that he'd worn the entire day so she followed him as he left the church grounds, and wandered for 20 minutes into the woods.

It was quiet until he let out a yell. And then a second one.

His words were whispered and meant for no one but himself, trying to relieve some stress, but she heard them anyway. 

"...can’t do anything right...can’t even  _ help _ him…"

"That's not true!" She burst out before she could stop herself. 

"S-selka…why'd you follow me… it's not sa-"

"It's not true!"

She finds herself unsure what to say so she runs forward to hug him and he grips her back, hard. He couldn't even lie and agree with her. 

By the time they get back Eugeo is asleep. 

The morning finds a bleary eyed Eugeo shuffling his way past the sitting room only to spot the two asleep on the settee.

He frowned a little, not feeling left out, and definitely not jealous after Kirito's speech, but it was a particular sadness. Maybe there wasn't even a reason.

He jumps at a hand on his shoulder and turns to see Azariya with a rather shrewd expression on her face.

"Your family has been informed of your acceptance into our school."

"......I…..I didn't apply?"

She continued as though he'd said nothing and Eugeo finds this to be a common occurrence for himself, "As a student of the school due to lifestyle demands, you are offered lodging and support until your graduation."

A moment of silence.

He felt like he was being dragged slowly, relentlessly, and helplessly through quicksand.

If asked, he wouldn't be sure if he thanked her, but she left before any more conversation could be had.

He was sure he could deny the acceptance, go home, be  _ good  _ and help his poor mother. The work was hard on her.

He quietly walked into the room and seated himself across from his two friends.

He brought his feet up onto the chair and he was sure someone would lecture him on proper seating later.

Before he knew it, he'd fallen asleep again.

Selka woke up before either Kirito or Eugeo showed even the slightest signs of having slept enough.

She stared at each of them for a moment before slipping away to her room. She and Kirito hadn't spoken much and their hug was just long enough for Kirito to mumble that she wasn't supposed to hear that and he was mad at Eugeo's family. Just long enough to show her discontent through her affection before she dragged him home. She held his hand on the way back, strangely afraid, and ignored how sweaty he was. It was an abnormally warm night so she excused the state of his palms.

She sighed.

She stepped quietly up the stairs and to her room. Then she took a long shower. She opened the window to scream out some frustration, which would have startled no one, she did it quite often while studying. She found herself instead, silently and angrily misusing the sacred arts to create a strong breeze. A horse whined in protest.

She stepped down the stairs rather noisily hoping to wake Kirito and Eugeo up. By the time she entered the sitting room they were blinking groggily at each other.

Kirito made no attempt to get up, he just curled further into his seat before closing his eyes again.

"Good morning…"

"Oh Eugeo if only Kirito could learn from you."

"...rude…"

Selka frowned a little, Kirito had been tiring much more easily these days.

Eugeo climbed groggily to his feet, trying to rub the sleepiness from his eyes, blanket still over his shoulders. There was a moment where he looked like he was going to lay on the floor, manners be damned, and go back to sleep. Instead he took three steps over to his friend under Selka's neutral gaze.

"Kirito time to get up," he said while gently pressing a hand to Kirito's shoulder.

He let out a quiet assent but made no move to get up.

"...are you feeling ok?"

Kirito nodded before pushing himself up, hands shaking slightly as he rubbed his face.

Eugeo frowned.

Kirito spoke and yawned at the same time, the first half of his sentence a garbled mess, "...want honey bread…"

"Uh huh." Selka and Eugeo were unimpressed, especially after all his big talk the day before.

He hadn't changed from the night before, his hair was a mess only made worse as he tried to put it on and tug his shoes on at the same time.

To tell the truth, Kirito didn't have the biggest appetite but he knew he should try to eat. He'd just rather do it away from the prying eyes of their lodgemates and Ms. Azariya.

As he led them from the church and into town he felt strangely weak as he had since he’d entered the Underworld.

  
  


He ignored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 is almost over. It's been a long time and I've had trouble doing...anything, but I wouldn't feel right stopping this fic. There's something relaxing about writing for this, the characters leave a lot of space for interpretation since I'm going based off the show and Selka is slowly wiggling her way in as a main character. She deserves it.
> 
> Currently editing the last chapter of this part so shouldn't be too long this time. Thank you for reading.


	7. Apache Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know when people suggest writing out your feelings and frustrations in a journal if you can't vent it to other people? I write this fic instead. Which means it should update faster. Unfortunately I'm a slow emotion processor which means that while I type fast, I overthink _how_ I want to type. So thanks for sticking with me through this. Please enjoy the final chapter of this part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Vague, graphic depiction of an emergency health situation. Begins at | **The last thing he saw was** | and ends at | **vice grip, eyes bright and slightly wet.** |

The three were happily seated in the square, enjoying yet another day off.

"Satisfied?"

Eugeo was teasing him but he answered anyway, "Yup."

He wasn't feeling hungry, he actually felt sick to his stomach but the buns were delicious and he had to eat or his Life would drop. And if he let himself fall to not eating then he had to  _ talk _ . And he really, really didn’t want to talk about his feelings anymore. He’d had more than enough of them in his own head since he’s landed in the Underworld.

Eugeo's gaze was on Selka who was saying hi to her dad.

"You seem quiet today, Kirito."

Kirito recognized the question of why in his tone. Had he been quiet? He wasn't sure. He felt the gently steady burn of anxiety through his veins just as he had the day before and found it once again difficult to respond, to think.

He grabbed another pastry.

"Kirito?"

"How about you?"

"M-me? I'm...I'm okay. Overwhelmed? I….you helped, Kirito. You always do."

Kirito looked up to catch the edge of a soft smile before it fell against his friend's worry for him. A surge of satisfaction and joy washed over him that he actually had helped for once, washing away a bit of the unease of the night before.

He laughed, "Good, that's good."

The conversation was more awkward than they usually were with each other, and Kirito fully blamed that on his speech the day before. The silence was a bit stifling but he felt a little better and it was even better knowing Eugeo did too.

The last thing he saw was Selka saying bye to her father before there was a sharp pain in his chest.

"Kirito? Kirito!"

He felt like he was being cut in half as he struggled to breathe and his vision grew dim and  _ what was wrong with his body? _

There was a strange noise and he suddenly didn’t know what was going on. What he was doing.

"Kirito, please I need to see -

Was that Eugeo or Selka?

"Kirito-

Hands were coaxing him to uncurl. What had he been doing?

"It's ok, it's okay, try to breathe. What is it, what's wrong?"

The voice was panicked and he didn't like it so he tried to talk.

"Lungs hurt, don't...don't feel good…"

He tried to get away from the hands suddenly on him, but he felt like his body was made of lead.

Someone touched his shoulder and he felt his soul sway away from him-

A sudden blast of cold air and then hands he thought he knew came for him. He leaned towards them.

"Eugeo hold him like that- yeah keep him awake-"

The kind voice went on, still sounding panicked.

"What else? Tell me what's wrong?"

Who was this? Kirito should know. Someone was calling his name. His ears were ringing, he felt his vision turning black.

Someone else, a deeper voice calling his name.

"-o breath, Kirito, in and out."

He tried. His vision cleared.

"Sorry, my vision went black for a second…"

An odd sounding laugh, “Why are you apologizing, you idiot? How about now?”

A wave of coolness washed over him and he felt his breathing ease, and the numbness he didn't even notice recide to tingling soreness.

He could still hear the high familiar voice like an echo in his mind. It grew fainter and fainter the more his vision returned. 

He came back to himself to a pale faced Eugeo pinning his wrists to one side, his face close as he peered intently at Kirito's face. 

His breathing looked carefully controlled as Selka gently removed a hand from under his shirt, eyes wide. 

"Eugeo? What happened?" His voice was a quiet croak and he saw Eugeo's Adam apple jump. His friend’s mouth moved but no sound came out. He wiggled his wrists uncomfortably but Eugeo didn't release them or move away. 

Kirito swallowed and was almost scared to move. 

"Selka…?"

"Y-your heart….it...it went crazy for a second.."

Kirito felt his breathing quicken at the first two words. He had been injected with poison that could've _killed him._ Poison that causes heart failure. How had he forgotten. And Asuna- Asuna- did he die, was he dead? His doubts and fears and paranoia came rushing in. 

Eugeo felt Kirito's full body shiver. 

"I-"

How much time had passed? Did he have a heart attack in the real world? The symptoms matched. What was the time set at in the Underworld? Is that why he’d felt tired, why he hadn’t felt hungry in weeks? His recent anxiety wasn’t anxiety? Three months per day? If it stopped, had they purged him of the poison? Had his body stabilized now? Or were they just delaying-

"It's okay, " Eugeo heard his voice shaking and hated it, "you're okay, Selka fixed it." He wasn't sure if his statement was true but he didn't think he could afford to let Kirito freak out. What had Kirito called it...a panic attack? He didn’t think he could let that happen right now. It would speed up his heart rate and according to Selka’s frantic muttering while she was healing him, that would be bad. He had to stay calm.

Kirito let out a pitiful whine and Eugeo put a hand to his cheek, barely having to move to press his forehead against his. 

"It's okay, breathe, look at me, let's calm down. J-just… breathe with me."

Kirito wasn't sure how much time passed. He knew people were watching and he knew Selka had her face pressed into his shoulders and a hand over his and Eugeo's. He felt her slight trembling. He felt terrible, he'd worried them.

"Please, Kirito, it's okay, it's okay."

He tried again. He could feel Eugeo's breath on his own, a little of his air mingling with Kirito's. Instead of thinking about how close he was he tried to use it to regulate his breathing. He felt his sweaty hands under his friends'-

He tried not to think and just let himself exist for a second- 

He felt another breeze wash over him and felt some energy return to his limbs.

He didn't feel like he was shaking anymore and opened his eyes. 

"We're still in the square aren't we?"

Eugeo nodded, looking a little embarrassed. Kirito let his eyes wander and then widened as he was met with ice, and more ice surrounding them in every direction. 

"Wha-"

"You got worse when people tried to intervene so…. um...I don’t know how I did that actually," he gave a helpless shrug. Kirito worked his arms from under the two of them, using one to pet Selka's hair.

Her arms wrapped around his waist, jostling him. Even with the movement Eugeo, with the privacy he had given them, boldly took advantage didn't budge a single mel away. Eugeo would normally never allow this closeness that Kirito missed having. Kirito nuzzled his cheek against the hand his friend still held partially in his hair, partially over his ears and cheek. 

Eugeo  _ squeaked  _ and Kirito thought it was adorable, how innocent he was.

Selka looked up from her vice grip, eyes bright and slightly wet.

" _ Kirito-" _

"You're very close, I can't help it." A pause, "I'm sorry I worried you, Yuu."

The ice melts as he practically throws himself away from Kirito, his cheeks red.

They stare at each other as Selka let's her dad know about the medical emergency as he asks about the sudden disruptive use of sacred arts.

"Does this happen...often?" He asks as he stares at what he assumes is two boys bickering.

"No..it's never happened before." Selka is certain he didn’t see what Kirito just did and she also refuses to make him hide it.

He rubs a hand against his stubble, contemplative, "Do you think it will happen again?"

Selka thinks about the scan, the lack of previous symptoms, the lack of after effects, and what Azariya showed her about Kirito's health, "No….no I don't think so."

She thinks she imagines his next words, "Good, I wouldn't want you to lose another."

She gapes as he gives his blessing to take her brother home.

"O-oh! Okay, goodnight father!"

Eugeo's face is burning as he helps Kirito stand and Selka thinks that's better than the pale panic on his face as he begged her to do something. She hoped this wouldn't be a thing with the two of them. It was one or the other with the life threatening health issues.

Kirito was shameless as he draped himself across Eugeo's shoulders but she saw his shaking hands, how Eugeo didn't push him off.

"Come on boys, let's get this idiot into bed."

"Hey!"

His voice sounded stronger but his pallor was weak. 

"Do you feel any pain, Kirito?"

"N-no, just… weak…"

"Ok, that's good. I don't think this will happen again, but best to let Ms. Azariya check you too."

Insistent, she continued, "Anything else?"

"Just tired."

He looked young and vulnerable and not at all the same boy who'd saved her from goblins. Magic couldn't fix that and she didn't think she had any more left in her. She'd never expected to use electricity magic in that manner. And she'd have to ask Eugeo where he'd learned such an art.

She only hoped things would be calm from then on. 

She'd been running on fumes and a shrewd look and a sharp look with striking words about knowing limits sent her off to dreamland feeling safe and loved.

She dreamt of warm bread and a figure she could never catch up to.

  
  
  


Kirito eyes cracked painfully, reluctantly open. His limbs felt almost numb and he felt uncomfortably present and aware in a way he struggled to be since landing in the Underworld. He thought maybe it was his brain itself finally settling, which meant it possibly hadn't been too long on the other side.

In any case he'd almost died. Again. Now that his head was clear he recognized the heart attack, symptoms spread over the course of weeks due to his perception of time being adjusted to the underground. Which means they'd neutralized the poison in his system since it hadn't kept going and he wasn't dead.

He felt faint upon sitting up, his vision blurry, then coming back into focus as he notices two figures in the room. Miss Azariya perched precariously on his desk chair.

He wanted to wake her, that couldn't be comfortable.

Then in the chair at his bedside was Eugeo. Kirito felt belatedly ashamed at scaring him so badly. His mind made an unfortunate link at this and back in SAO when Asuna threatened to kill herself if he left her.

Asuna loved Kirito in a way that sometimes frightened him and he distantly hoped Eugeo didn't love him at all, that he would ignore his crush and move on and let Kirito suffer his crush in peace. He didn't want anyone else to suffer. 

He thought his own feelings would fade out into normal friendship like it had with most of his friends but he only found himself liking the blonde more and more.

These thoughts passed in a flash, between one blink and another. He let himself wake at his body's pace. He knew himself, he knew what would come after the calm and hoped he could ride it out before Azariya and Eugeo woke up.

He blinked down at his own lap. 

He really had almost died. Again. He didn't want to get out of bed. What if it happened again? 

_ But it won't. I researched this. I know how this goes. It's a hit or miss poison. If I didn't die from it yesterday, I won't today or tomorrow.  _

But what if it wasn't over.

_ It's over. This reflexive fear is stupid. It's over. I'm fine. Won't make them worry over me any further. _

He kept his breathing even. He thought Klein would be proud of him for not freaking out for once.

_ I'm fine. Everyone's fine. _

He took a singular deep breath.

_ Yuu and Sel protected me, they saved me. Or helped stabilize me if this world works the way I think it does. _

He let the breath go and marveled at how...calm he felt for another near death experience. If he was being honest, he felt more from his anger at Eugeo's family than his  _ heart attack _ .

He was a little disgusted at himself, he always immediately fixated on whoever was kind to him, even if it was just guiding him the way Sinon had or treating him like a normal person like Klein. He hated that part of himself. He was clingy and he expected them all to be tired of him by now. 

But clearly they weren't. 

He hid a jump as the door creaked and his eyes met Selka's. He looked pointedly to the two sleeping occupants in the room and she nodded back, stepping quietly in and shutting the door. 

He assumed his neutral expression had fooled her or maybe she was exhausted from the sheer amount of sacred arts she had used the night before. 

Upon crossing the room with only a slight creak of the floorboards she climbed into the bed and threw herself across his lap. 

Kirito gave her a shrewd look that she ignored in favor of burying her face into his side. She mumbled something.

"Hm?" He asked quietly. 

"Sleepy."

"Shoulda stayed in your bed then."

"Nightmare…"

"...oh." He didn't bother asking what the nightmare was. He rubbed a hand up and down her back. She yawned. 

At least she didn't seem too traumatized…?

Her green eyes peeked up at him, her expression neutral.

Kirito thought she was just too tired to be upset. He couldn't begin to think about the exhaustion using all that sacred arts brought. Thinking back, he didn't feel terrible at all. A leftover exhaustion but nothing he couldn't live with for the day. He'd almost felt energized yesterday after the attack and even managed to play it up a little to reassure the others. He didn't remember exactly what happened but based on the sensations...electricity, cold air, wakefulness...

He spoke quietly, stilling his hand, "Hey Selka?" She made a grumbling noise, that she was listening, "Don't ever give me that much of your Life again, okay?"

The silence was charged. Her eyes peeked open, but she didn't answer before closing her eyes and hugging him tighter. Kirito felt himself getting annoyed, "Selka!"

"No. Shush, you're going to wake Eugeo." A pause, "Don't worry, I won't die."

She then mumbled something about already having been scolded. 

Kirito let out a sigh. He considered going back to sleep. He was tired but he didn't think he'd sleep again knowing Selka hadn't slept well. 

Eugeo had long started to snore and on any other morning Kirito would pinch his nose shut. It was such a rare occurrence and he'd saved him so he let him. It was likely the combo of the awkward sleeping position and his exhaustion catching up to him.  Eventually he choked on one and woke himself up. 

Kirito wasn't kind enough not to laugh at him.

Eugeo woke slowly, groaning in pain.

"Morning."

The sound of his voice made Eugeo jump.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, actually. Tired."

Eugeo blinked a bit, before taking a deep breath, "Thank Stacia. Don't you  _ ever  _ do that again. Whatever that was."

"Heart attack?" Kirito gave himself a pat on the back for saying the word calmly, "I'll do my best."

He regretted his flippancy when Selka punched him.

_ Geez this girl is getting violent. Is that my fault? _

Before Kirito could respond he was interrupted by Eugeo, "Kirito...you're awake.."

Kirito considered himself fairly intelligent, he could analyze situations, read people easily, read himself easily even if he couldn't control himself, and could figure out any bit of code presented to him.

He'd never felt more inadequate as he responded with, "Yup."

He was met with a scowl that he was sure he deserved, "Yup he says. This idiot." Eugeos eyes dart to Selka and away and his mood seemed to sour even more, "Are you  _ alright _ ?"

Now scared his mouth would betray him, Kirito warily nodded in response.

Eugeo sighs and closes his eyes for a moment.

Sol is bright and rising further into the sky, casting its rays and emboldening Eugeo's dreamlike existence in Kirito's eyes. The sunlight doesn't dare cast shadows on his face and instead points out the almost pretty curve of the other boy's cheekbones as he opens his eyes.

Kirito swallows reflexively at the burning look he was being graced with, a bit of the emotion betraying itself across Eugeo's cheeks.

"Do anything like that again and you'll never leave this room. I’ll lock the door, melt the lock, and I’ll hand deliver your meals myself through the window."

Kirito had never heard Eugeo's voice this cold, even during his uncharacteristic display at Jink so to hear it directed towards  _ him _ , at that very moment, he made two choices. One wise and one not very and Selka dug her arm into his side in warning.

First, he wisely chose not to make an inappropriate joke, because despite it all danger still excited him. He wouldn't corrupt Eugeo like that.

Then, he quite unwisely, decided to respond, "But that wasn't my fau-"

"Wasn't your  _ fault,  _ sure. But you've been feeling unwell for  _ weeks, haven't you?"  _ Eugeo's voice rose dangerously at the end, daring Kirito to argue.

He couldn't help himself, his face red with the shame of being wrong, "I just thought that was-"

"Ah, so I'm not good enough for you to talk to if you feel," a pause as he recalled the learned terminology, "anxious, dissociative,  _ upset _ ."

"No! No that's not-"

"Get your head out of your ass, Kirito! No one's going to mad if you act like a  _ human being!" _

Kirito was silent. They'd argued like this before but never about  _ him _ , usually it was the other way around and he felt warmed by the care even though he was being scolded, being yelled at almost.

"That's not what I-" he snapped his mouth shut as he heard his voice crack and holy shit he did not ever remember being this much of a crybaby. Was it because of the meds he was probably on in the real world?

"Ah, Kirito...I'm sorry," he furiously scrubbed at his face, "I was terrified. You could've  _ died." _

"I'm sorry, I was really scared when it happened. I'm sorry. Even before I-- I'm always like that, I always feel like that - stupid I shouldn’t- so I didn't think. I'm sorry. Sorry."

Eugeo found himself reaching out to place a hand in Kirito's hair but he didn't stop himself. He'd never heard Kirito like this. He felt off kilter, and a kind of despair at how little his friend cared for himself. He knew Kirito was always worrying after him and if there was any way to fight that clearly self destructive nature he had, he'd do it.

Still, he found the turn around strange.

"...I'm glad you're safe."

Kirito didn't nod back but they would work on that. Instead he apologized to Selka and avoided looking Eugeo in the eyes.

Azariya eased her way out of the room unnoticed by its other occupants, it seemed that Eugeo had her motherly scolding covered.

 

It bore mentioning that while Kirito felt more alert and better than he ever had since meeting Eugeo,  Eugeo found himself distracted and angry ever since the scare. Eventually their break ended, Kirito was deemed healthy and getting healthier and they returned to their Calling.

There were mornings Eugeo would grit his teeth in anger, knowing Kirito chose this. The feeling would fade quickly when he forced his brain to think logically. 

He reminded himself that Kirito was his best friend.

He reminded himself that Kirito had (fake) amnesia.

The feeling of unimportance never quite disappeared.

Time passed and his Gigas was halfway towards a deserved grave. Halfway to returning the life it had stolen from centuries of unborn life.

During one such morning playing reaper to the forest's vampire, Eugeo decided to take a break. Kirito was especially late and Eugeo was tired of feeling things around him.

Kirito had told him what this was called too.

Avoidance.

_ For someone with amnesia he sure does know alot. _

He wasn't hungry.

The day before his eye had bled again but according to Sister Azariya, he hadn't 'broken' it yet. Whatever that meant.

He threw an arm over his eyes in leftover embarrassment. 

He had been trying to study since he was staying in the church anyway. It was a wonderful opportunity not many had but he couldn't focus with Kirito just sitting across from him in the study. He wasn't even doing anything and Eugeo had let his thoughts wander.

He ran out before Kirito could notice but ran into Azariya who took one look at him and burst into laughter.

When Kirito asked why he was ignoring him he didn't bother saying anything in fear of embarrassing himself and the other got progressively more annoying until Eugeo escaped to bed.

Eugeo let out a pitiful noise and stood staring at the Gigas.

He took a deep breath and as he released it he found he didn't feel any better.

The litter of tiny frustrations crawled their way up his throat and he let out an angry, wordless yell.

There was a slight noise behind him and he whipped around. His unease left as soon as it had come.

"...hi." Kirito had a sweet bun stuffed in his mouth and two paper bags in his other hand. His hair looked purposely ruffled to make him look more handsome than usual.

"...hey."

".......rough morning?"

Eugeo scowled and made grabbing motions towards the bag, carefully holding his blade in the other.

"Nope."

Kirito handed the bag over, rolling his eyes and pointedly stomping on the ground near Eugeo.

The grass near his feet had slightly frosted.

Eugeo sheathed his sword and moved towards the Gigas to sit.

"..sorry."

Kirito ate slowly as he watched Eugeo work his way through the bag of food.

"Better?"

Kirito waited for Eugeo's nod and made sure he wasn't still chewing food before he tackled him to the ground.

"Kirito!" The blonde landed a not so soft punch on Kirito's shoulder.

"Ow!" Kirito punched him back, "What was that for!"

"You tackled me first!" Eugeo rolled then over and dug his fingers into Kirito's side.

"Not tha-haha- stop it! It wasn't that hard!"

They scuffled for a few minutes before breaking apart, Eugeo to sit a safe distance away and Kirito to pick up the sword.

"Now….better? You're smiling so that must mean you're feeling better." Eugeo slapped a hand over his mouth, he hadn't even realized.

Kirito turned away from him and he let his hand drop.

The sound of metal hitting wood filled the air and Eugeo let himself relax. They were making great progress. They'd done more than anyone had in a lifetime and there was real hope of them actually  _ completing  _ their calling.

He felt uneasy.

He didn't know what to do about Kirito. Was there anything to do? 

He had resolved his bladework as a means of defense, whether it be their freedom or of their goals. But was this enough?

Cutting down the tree, complete their calling. Then what? They each pick another calling?

Chances were high that Kirito would pick the same calling as him again and he wasn't sure if he was emotionally ready for that. 

He wanted to do something...meaningful.

Kirito  _ never  _ had anything he wanted to do. He had always been the type to go with the flow. Alice would have liked that about him. Eugeo had the sinking feeling they would have gotten along almost too well if they'd met.

(Eugeo wondered why he thought there was an always, why he knew what Alice liked about someone she’d never had the chacne to meet.)

Not that there was any chance now.

But still. There was one way. He could find out, he could get closure and then maybe maybe he could do  _ something  _ about his eye and Azariya would have something to be proud of him for.

Maybe they could...leave the village. He was certain Selka would want to join as well. She wouldn't stand for being left alone. Eugeo saw it too, she was still not over losing her sister. She still felt like she was in her shadow in her skills, im her magic, when it wasn't true. Alice hadn't even had a chance to learn half the things Selka had.

She never had a chance.

But they did.

"Kirito?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna go to the central city."

In a large way, Eugeo was scared he wouldn't agree to this. Terrified, actually.

A moment as he swings the sword again, "Okay."

"You don't even know where or what that is, do you."

More silence. "Cenotria."

"I want to become a swordsman after this."

Wood chips fly as Kirito misses the tree, using the momentum to spin towards his friend, " _ What?" _

Eugeo already had his head resting on his knees and used the position to his advantage as he looked up towards Kirito with wide eyes. "...is this...too much to ask?"

Kirito glared weakly back, seeing through the meekness immediately, "...no. Stop fishing and ask."

"So...you'll come with me?"

"Remember what I said the other day?"

"Eh?"

He turned around to continue cutting the tree, "I'll stick with you, no matter what…...so don't worry. Get that look off your face. Idiot."

"W-what- you're not even looking over here!"

"I know you. Argh! Weeks and we're still not done cutting this stupid tree!"

"Maybe if  _ someone  _ stopped slacking off…"

"Well  _ someone  _ has to feed a certain woodsman so…!"

  
  


Two weeks later the Gigas goes down in a flash of blue, striking the forest floor like thunder. 

A week after they set off for the central city.

"Waiiit!" Both boys pause before turning towards the voice in defeat.

Selka was running out of the village and towards them. 

"I'm coming too! What the heck...you two... are  _ terrible _ ."

"Sorry Selka, it's not that we didn't think of you.."

Eugeo continued in Kirito's place, "It's just… not going to be an easy trip, you know?"

"Yeah! And I'm more capable than the both of you idiots combined! Sometimes I feel like you share one brain. What would have happened if one of you got sick?"

Neither responded.

"I don't need  _ protecting.  _ I'm coming along! Okay?"

Kirito sighed, "Yeah, okay, it'll actually be a relief to have you along. Who knows how long I'll be able to deal with this guy-" " _ Hey _ " "-Besides, we'd miss you way too much. We just couldn't find it in ourselves to ask you to come, we knew you'd say yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! 
> 
> Just wanted to say I did not want to romanticize or glamify Kirito's health. His health is shit. He needs to take care of himself. I did, however, want to impress on the point that his heart is not in the Underworld and the magic, even though it appears to work on his body, is helping stabalize his brain waves which in turn, is helping his doctor treat him more easily in the real world, and he knows that. Everything about the Underworld is mental for him. Any medication he is given in the real world that affects his emotional state or inhibitions affects him doubly in the Underground. He knows all this, but does not know what is happening to him on the outside. Hopefully this makes the narrative clearer from here on.
> 
> I did a lot of editing on this one due to that, even though it had been written since I finished chapter six. Part 3 is drafted and planned. However I may have written an event that happens towards the end of the show instead in gruesome detail. So the good news is, something for the final part, part 4 is completed.
> 
> The next part will flow much faster than this part and will not detail every single moment of their journey until they hit sword school. I am keeping a pace, but I won't waste anyone's time with filler content. Anything I write just because, I will just post in the series as a separate work.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have an update schedule, but I will do my best to end chapters without cliffhangers. I will also be taking liberties with the system of the Underworld, the science of fluctlights, the details of the taboo index, and many many interactions that did not happen in canon. The major character death tag is in here, but it depends on who you think I put it there for. Either way you're probably right!


End file.
